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The 4 Most Cringeworthy Moments in John Travolta's Brazilian Booze Commerical

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There is a rich and wonderful tradition of big American actors doing awful foreign commercials. Usually the actors look like fools, we laugh, and they walk away with a pile of money.

And then there's this.

Ostensibly the tale of a world-famous actor enjoying his time in Brazil with new friends and some rum, John Travolta's commercial comes off like the story of a very fit, creepy old man staring at a bunch of half-naked young people.

The 4 Most Cringeworthy Moments in John Travolta's Brazilian Booze Commerical

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Don't believe us? We don't even need words to prove it.

What do you get when you gene splice "Gran Torino"-era Clint Eastwood with an iguana? A lizard person who's about to tell all of Brazil to get off his lawn.

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In the ad, Travolta is supposedly so good at soccer that he banks his shot off a tree and into the goal. But through a combination of bad direction and worse physicality, it looks like he's aiming for the goal, makes a comically awful miss, and the ball accidentally goes in. If he had left on the hat and added a little mustache, he would have done Charlie Chaplin proud.

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Hey, remember "Grease" and "Saturday Night Fever" and even "Pulp Fiction," where Travolta danced his way into our hearts with an easy grace and almost preternatural cool? Not anymore, you won't!

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Presumably that hand motion (mime piano, mime coconuts, mime piano, mime coconuts) is a signature thing for Brasilizar. Done by Travolta, it looks like he's doing "Saturday Night Live's" "Wild and Crazy Guys" sketch.

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The video is below. If the opening line, "Don't! Don't you skip this video!" isn't his audition tape to play a serial killer in the next season of "Dexter," we all need to be very, very worried.