For those who haven't been following the news, a sharknado hit Los Angeles last night: a deadly combination of half-baked idea and quarter-baked budget (from the artistes who brought us "Transmorphers," "Snakes on a Train," and, of course, "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus").
If you missed it, fear not. If you DVRed it, delete it. Here is everything you need to know about the movie.
Actress and humanitarian Mia Farrow watched the film along with Pulitzer Prize-winning author Philip Roth. Roth wasn't actually there — Farrow posted the pic as a joke and deleted the tweet soon after. Presumably, after the Pulitzer committee threatened to take away his award.
The above commentary on Mia Farrow's tweet came from comedian Patton Oswalt, who had many, many more things to say on the subject of sharks, tornadoes, and the marriage thereof.
Just got a call from the 2nd A.D. on the movie I'm filming. Call time canceled tomorrow. ALL movies canceled. It's done. #SharkNado— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) July 12, 2013
Not everybody was pleased by the film's response. Michael Chiklis ("The Shield") seemed a little angry that a terrible film received so much attention. Maybe he has a hole in his memory the approximate size and shape of "Fantastic Four"?
Oh Goddamn it, now I want to see it too and then I'm gonna want to quit the business...again! #SharkNado— Michael Chiklis (@MichaelChiklis) July 12, 2013
Most everybody else, though, embraced the awfulness. Writer and producer Damon Lindelof ("Lost", the new "Star Trek" movies) is already hard at work on the sequel.
For those of you already maligning my ending for SHARKNADO 2, you should know 3 things: Henry Winkler. Leather jacket. Water skiis.— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) July 12, 2013
Syfy exec Craig Engler (@Syfy) has already greenlit the movie and Olivia Wilde, Mia Farrow, and Elizabeth Banks are already onboard.
And, naturally, it will be classy (in Hollywood, classy is a euphemism for "sideboob").
OK, now this is getting ridiculous. Mayor of Newark, New Jersey, Cory Booker is taking the threat seriously! Well, sort of seriously. OK, not at all seriously.
Understanding serious nature of this threat Nwk OEM put together an action plan. We're prepared! RT @RobertYoungman: Thoughts on SharkNado?— Cory Booker (@CoryBooker) July 12, 2013
And even though it's also tongue-in-cheek, somebody did do actual research for an article titled, "Can a "Sharknado" Really Happen?" (Spoiler: it ca— you know what? If you're not sure, then click the link. Also, turn in your drivers license because you shouldn't be operating heavy machinery).
Speaking of driving ... SHARKNADO!
Fun fact: That wasn't from the movie — in Los Angeles, sharks die in hit-and-runs all the time. Usually, though, they're in suits and they call themselves agents.
According to Trendrr, there were more than 386,000 tweets and they peaked at more than 5,000 a minute.
Compared to the Superbowl (24.1 million tweets) it's nothing special, but compared to how many tweets a movie about flying sharks should get (5 tweets, 8 if it's scheduled opposite "60 Minutes"), it's pretty amazing.
Comedian Jon Daly knows his CGI:
The digital Effects in Sharknado were done on Microsoft Word.— Jon Daly (@jondaly) July 12, 2013
Cartoonist Ruben Bolling has seen it before:
Nothing new under the sun. Isn't #Sharknado just Macbeth, set in LA, with a sharknado?— Ruben Bolling (@RubenBolling) July 12, 2013
Supercouple Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg, "The Avengers") and Baby (Jennifer Grey, "Dirty Dancing") remind us that, in the end, it's not about sharks or nados ... it's about the love.
Here's the thing: The New Yorker wrote about "Sharknado." The New Yorker. You know, the reference you make when you're trying to think of the last place that would write about "Sharknado"? The world would actually be less topsy-turvy if a shark-filled tornado did hit Los Angeles.
Enter the SHARKNADO!
Exit the SHARKNADO!
The thing to remember is: It's not the actors who got eaten you should pity, it's the actors who didn't get eaten. Like "Final Destination" and "Nikita" star Devon Sawa.
My Agent: "I don't understand... ?" -- Me: "What don't you understand?!! Why didn't I get a damn audition for #Sharknado?!!!!!!!"— devon sawa (@DevonESawa) July 12, 2013
And a moment of silence, if we could, for "SNL" cast member Horatio Sanz's loved ones.
Too quiet! SHARKNADO!
Aaaaand that's pretty much it. That's the whole movie. All that's left now is to pick up the pieces, rebuild and, as is the way in Hollywood, start handing out blame.
"We lost the night to #SharkNado? What the hell is that?" - every non-syfy network executive tomorrow morning.— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) July 12, 2013
UPDATE: Though Twitter was abuzz, the Neilsen's aren't showing the same excitement.
Just under 1.4 million people watched "Sharknado" live. Early ratings are slightly under last year's "Chupacabra vs. The Alamo" (to be fair, that film had the advantage of being easy to remember). DVR numbers could bring it up, but the cautionary tale of "Snakes on a Plane" reminds us, a title will only take you so far.
Could this be the end of sharks combining with things for the purposes of entertainment? Will these ratings spell the end of the "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" sequel or the "Sharkmato" series (Half shark. Half tomato. All cop.) or "Sharka Khan" (He's a smooth operator)? Hopefully not, because we're trying to sell those scripts right now.
Check out more "Sharknado" photos: