One-Man IPO


Today”: So wait a second, you're telling me that instead of bothering a bunch of my family and friends about who to date and what clothes to wear and where to go on vacation for free, I can get them to invest money in me and also help me with that stuff? That's genius (and a run-on sentence)! Until of course my investors decide that it's time to move to Montana and start a goat ranch, change my name to Gilly the Goat Herder and marry my toothless neighbor named Chester, then I don't know if I would be so excited.

Live!”: Whoa, guest co-host Maria Menounos appeared to give Michael Strahan a little something extra when she helped him "feel her pounding heart" after she claimed to be nervous about today's show. I don't wanna say it was too naughty for TV, but let's just say Michael's favorite magician might be David Copperfield... (better if you say it with a Boston accent.) Ahem.

GMA”: If you're having trouble accepting Ryan Gosling's selfish, selfish temporary retirement from acting, “GMA Pop News” has your new favorite digits: The GosLine. As in, a number you can call to hear your favorite sultry male voice whenever you feel like it, to help you through this tough stretch, until the end of this wretched Ry-atus. And the quotes from “The Notebook” are great and all, but man I am already sick of that “Mickey Mouse Club” hold music!

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