I’m So Mad, Man!


"Today": Um, gross! Kathie Lee told a really gross story about how her manicurist was giving a pedicure to a client with really disgusting feet and—ugh, I can't even say it! You're gonna have to just click here and watch it yourself!

"Access Hollywood Live": Today I learned a very important secret about how to live a long time! Betty White was on and they said that all she eats are hot dogs, french fries, red licorice, diet Coke and vodka! The good thing is that pretty much describes my diet perfectly, so now I can only hope that I'm half as funny and talented as Betty is when I'm 90!

"Good Day LA": I had a lot of fun chatting with Lisa Breckenridge! She told me so much about what really goes on over there at FOX during the morning show. Did you know that no one is wearing pants underneath the desk?! Just kidding, she didn't really tell me anything juicy, so I thought I would just make something up.

"Ellen": Oh, was that really Don Draper, drapin' his hunky arms around lucky girls in the audience today? That could've been me! My friend called me up and asked if I wanted to go with her to see Jon Hamm on "Ellen", but I was driving through a tunnel, so I heard "do you want some Ham with Melon?" And of course, I was like "eww! No!" And then I went to the store and bought some ham and melon, since then I had the idea in my head. P.S. - it was gross. Sigh... I'm so Mad, Man!

"Live! with Kelly": Thark! Thark! Klatuu Verada Nikto Willem Defoe... Spumoni Coldeze Siri Hulu Jorts! (Oh, sorry. That's Martian language for "Hey Willem Defoe, I don't care what language you speak to promote your new sci-fi movie... I love you and your creepy eyes.") Oh, and also, "Kippi Blurgh Blurggh!"(which means, "what was it like to work with Tim Riggins from 'Friday Night Lights'? I heard he's the dreamiest!")

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