All Hail the Butt-Rope Jumper


Call off the "Ellen" audience hidden-talent contest -- we have a winner!

Well, at least we would if I got to judge. I know Ellen's had this contest going on for at least a month now, and sure, some of the previous entries have been pretty impressive, and some, maybe not so much.

The thing is, I enjoyed Joe Gaudet, who did dead-on impersonations of both Michael J. Fox and Ice-T (nice range, Joe!). And I'll forever be grateful to a guy named Jamie, the one-hand clapper, who finally answered the age-old question "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" But guys, I'm afraid all that work may be for a race to second place. 'Cuz I believe I've pretty much seen all I need to see to make my decision, now that I've seen April, the Canadian butt-rope jumper. I mean, how can you not be impressed? Just look at her go! Look, Mom, no hands! That jump rope and wooden deck are no match for April's impressively -- um -- "unique" talent.

(Hey, that reminds me, I need to floss!)

I know the contest technically still has a ways to go, but I say game over. We have our $10,000 prize winner. Just give April the glute! I mean, the loot! I just hope she doesn't splinter the vote.

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