Fried Squirrel


"GMA": Wait, Angelina Jolie was Billy Bob Thornton's FIFTH wife?!? Wow, that guy must really, really like wedding cake. Or registering at department stores. He must have about a half dozen toasters by now. At least that's what I call them. Some folks might call 'em a sling-bread. Mmm-hmm. Taters.

"Today": I always considered myself to be the luckiest old broad on two feet, I mean I've made that pretty clear. But then Betty White shows up on "Today" to claim that she's "the luckiest old broad on two feet"? I'm no math whiz, but I'm pretty sure there can only be one luckiest old broad on two feet, so I don't know what her problem is! Maybe we should find a way to settle this, perhaps some arm wrestling is in order!

"Ellen": J.Lo admitted that she can't pass up the tabloid mags when she's at the supermarket (or, when her personal assistant is at the supermarket, anyway).. saying "I like seeing what everyone's wearing. Hey, I'm a girl just like anyone else." Meanwhile, her co-star Cameron Diaz says she can't stand those filthy gossip rags, calling them products of the "misogynist, sexist media" whose bald-faced lies make her "stomach turn". Proving once and for all that Jenny's still from the block, and Cammy's from the candy-free checkout aisle.

"Wendy Williams": I know my girl Wendy pretty darn well at this point, so when she had a little reaction to seeing and smelling the fried squirrel they brought it was obvious to me that she was completely grossed out! She claimed that she was "salivating for squirrel" but I know better. It took a lot of will power for her to keep from losing her lunch right there on set! And thanks to her for being such a trooper, because she reaffirmed my stance on never, ever eating squirrel or any other rodent for that matter! Thanks, Wendy!

"The Price is Right": It was so nice of Drew and company to invite the good men and women of law enforcement to the show, but I see what he's doing. Invite a bunch of cops to your show and give them prizes, then the next time Drew gets pulled over for speeding he conveniently reminds the officer of the trip to Hawaii he gave him and just like that he's off the hook. Good thinking Drew!

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