The Charlie Sheen Roast: The Ten Funniest Jokes (That We Can Print)
Even Charlie couldn't help laughing last night (Ian White/Comedy Central)
Sheen gamely yukked it up last night as he was insulted by a motley crew of roasters including William Shatner, comedian/roast veteran Jeffrey Ross, and heavyweight champ Mike Tyson (who stole the show with his unintelligible outbursts). And nothing was off-limits.
We scored an invite to Hollywood's raunchiest party and we're back with a sneak peek at the 10 best jokes of the night. But please note: There were a few jokes told last night that are too filthy to repeat here. (Okay, most of the jokes told last night are too filthy to repeat here.) So be sure to tune in to Comedy Central next Monday night to see the full, uncensored spectacle.
(10) "On 'Two and a Half Men' tonight, they're apparently having a funeral for Charlie's character. But there's no need to switch over. In a few months, you can probably see the real thing." — Roastmaster and "Family Guy" creator Seth MacFarlane
(9) "I'm 80, you're 46… how come we look like we went to high school together?" — William Shatner
(8) "William Shatner… I've seen less bloated men fished out of rivers." — Comedian Amy Schumer
(7) "I read somewhere that Charlie made a prostitute cry. But I don't believe that's true, Charlie. I saw the scene where you got arrested in 'Wall Street.' You can't even make yourself cry." — Seth MacFarlane
(6) "Mike Tyson has beaten every opponent he's ever faced -- except the letter S." — Seth MacFarlane
(5) "Jeffrey Ross… usually when I see a face that grotesque, it's after a fight. His performance was so bad, I wish I had bitten my own ears off." — Mike Tyson
(4) "Charlie, you're the black sheep of a family that produced three 'Mighty Ducks' movies." — Jeffrey Ross
(3) "It's amazing that after all that damage you've done to your kidneys and liver, the only things you've had removed are your kids." — "Private Practice" star Kate Walsh
(2) "His nostrils are so snotty and filled with coke, they could be called the Hilton sisters." — Jeffrey Ross
(1) "Charlie, the only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox." — Comedian Anthony Jeselnik
"The Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen" premieres Monday, 9/19 at 10pm on Comedy Central.
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