Captain’s Log, Stardate Today


"GMA": So, everyone on the NYC subway yesterday was hangin' with Mr. (Bradley) Cooper, and they didn't even know it?!? Well guess what, New Yorkers: I was in your fair city this week myself! But you probably didn't recognize me due to my clever disguise! Yes, that was me, dressed as the Statue of Liberty who plays the hits of Christopher Cross on the pan flute for money! Hey, everyone needs a hobby! And I'm using all the cash I raked in to go sailing... saiiliiinggg... it takes me away. Just as soon as I get all this green body paint off of my pan flutes.

"Access Hollywood Live": Captain's log, stardate today; doesn't William Shatner have enough money? Why is he constantly touring, promoting and acting in different things?! Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but are all the commercials and a new app that costs two dollars really necessary? End of captain's log, questions were not and probably will never be answered.

"Wendy Williams": Not many people can pull off a dance move like "The Lotion", but not many people are Katie Couric! I feel like a whole promotional tour is in order, where she puts a song to the dance and takes it on the road, makes a video that goes viral and sells dolls that can do the move. As long as PSY isn't involved, I'll be totally on board!

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