The Buck Stops Here!


"Today": I don't know why Mark Wahlberg is trying to have all his tattoos removed. Maybe, unlike the rest of us, he didn't make 100% great decisions when he was 19 and on Spring Break! Oh, that reminds me... does anyone know a good tattoo parlor to get a touch-up on a dolphin, jumping through a peace sign done in fading Rastafarian colors? I'm, umm... asking for a friend!

"Ellen": Shervin Lalezary, aka the hero of the LA Reserve Deputy Sheriff's Department who caught the guy suspected of being the LA arsonist, revealed to Ellen that while part-time reserve deputies like him may lay their lives on the line for their fellow citizens, they're practically volunteers: they each make a grand total of $1 a year! So Ellen, generous as always, pulled out two brand new GWs and doubled his salary to $2, just like that.(Oh, and then she introduced him to the Mayor and gave him a free trip to Australia.) And now the Reserve Sheriffs' Department has a cool new slogan: The buck stops here!

"Access Hollywood Live": It was rather awkward when Snooki and J-Woww were talking about their upcoming spin-off show as Deena was sitting right there, since of course she's not getting her own show! But once she demonstrated her voiceover skills with a series of sound effects and made up words, it was pretty evident that she's gonna be alright!

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