The Australian Surf Police


"Today": Robert DeNiro: homeless? Well, not really, but the star was actually denied access to his hotel because he went back there in character, and the doorman thought he was a vagrant! I know what you're thinking — DeNiro must've been staying in a fancy schmancy place! Or have a great makeup and wardrobe team!

"Live! with Kelly": You've gotta love Susan Sarandon... she's always honest. Susan showed off some steamy couture photos she and her daughter both posed for (and looked FANTABULOUS in, btw) and when Kelly asked if the mother-daughter fashion show was for a charity or cause, she just shrugged and said, "No… it was so they could sell those clothes." THANK you!

"Ellen": Well, if Jonah Hill says he and Channing Tatum were just "drunk and awesome", I'm gonna guess Jonah was the drunk one. But I'm still having a hard time believing they got this story to float! Really, the boys got stopped for Swimming Under the Influence by the Australian surf police? In a bay that's so dangerous, that Jonah claims they have a reality show about dumb tourists who drown in the riptide there? Hmm, I'm missing something, Jonah. For example, I know there's a whale joke in this story somewhere...

"The View": I love that my girl Barbara Walters has been getting pretty feisty lately! Yesterday she ripped apart "The Bachelor" and today she poked fun at the Kardashians! And to top it all off she talked about how she still looks good in a corset and then showed off her legs to the crowd. First of all, do people still wear corsets? And secondly, you go girl!

"Let's Make a Deal": With the economy as bad as it's been, most of the people just take the cash that Wayne offers them. Which is understandable, but I don't think I could ever resist the allure of the unknown. I mean, it could be anything in that box... there could even be a boat!

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