'The Bachelorette' Recap: 9 Things We Learned From 'The Men Tell All'
Seriously, is this the biggest group of whiny crybabies this franchise has ever seen? We're not sure who was the worst — James with his "wah, I've been bullied" nonsense or Ben's smarmy self-righteous indignation that anyone would dare question his parenting skills.
This "Men Tell All" session wasn't as juicy as it could've been, since Brian (he of the "still had a girlfriend back home" infamy) didn't dare show his face. But still, it was a revealing couple of hours. Here are nine things we learned:
1. Most of the guys were dull and duller.
Raise your hand if you didn't recognize the first five or six guys who walked out into the studio? Yep, us too. One guy spoke passioantely about Ben's bad-guy behavior and we had to look up his name (it's Dan, if that rings a bell).
Michael made a good crack at Jonathan, the guy from the first episode who tried to get Des to go to a made-up fantasy suite with him. Jonathan wondered why he didn't get more boos from the crowd, and Michael noted that nobody really remembered him. Truth.
2. Juan Pablo is very popular.
It was clear from applause levels that Juan Pablo was, hands down, the most popular guy on stage. Women in the audience were sporting "I ♥ Juan Pablo" shirts. And host Chris Harrison called upon him to speak quite a bit, so we got to hear that sexy accent more this evening than the entire rest of the season combined.
3. Everybody wants Juan Pablo to be the next "Bachelor."
As despicable as James was to point out that the next "Bachelor" would likely be one of the top four guys, he was right. But ABC may want to consider breaking that mold and choosing Juan Pablo. He's popular, he genuinely seems to want a wife, he is an adoring father, and he'd be the first Spanish-speaking "Bachelor." Even Zak, who finished fourth and has a great shot, is a big fan.
4. Speaking of Zak, that song was brutally sad.
Despite his near-blinding tan (more on that later), Zak really touched us when he admitted to still loving Des. As she would say: Awwwww! The guy was a pathetic wreck — he moaned about how he's 31 (yeah, so ancient) and all his friends are married with kids. He doesn't want to be the creeper trying to date — though he said this with the creepiest expression ever. Still, his heartfelt song about moving on brought some tears to our eyes.
5. The tanning has got to stop.
During Desiree's chat with former "Bachelorettes" Emily, Ashley, and Ali, one of the tweets onscreen said something about Ali being "50 shades of tan." Yikes. Well, Zak, James, Mikey, and several of the other guys must also have stopped by the same place. They really should've turned the tanning booth's dial down from "nuclear glow."
6. Des looks really good in metallic dresses.
Girl was rocking a short metallic mini for "Men Tell All," and we got a chance to remember how good she looked on the first night in that silver gown. We know Des isn't everyone's favorite, but you have to admit she can pretty herself up very nicely.