The episode "You're No Good" in a nutshell:
- Bill comes up with a plan to save vampires.
- Niall finds a disturbing scene in fairy world.
- Alcide loses control of his werewolf pack.
Body count: 3
Nudity count: 0
New people and places: Professor Takahashi, inventor of Tru Blood
Best line: "So yes, I is in. So I'm asking, what's the motherf---ing plan, boyfriend?" — Lafayette to Sam
What's the deal with ... Jason's fainting spells? They seem to happen whenever Warlow might be near.
Does Season 6 feel (enjoyably) like old-school "True Blood"? Bill is dangerous, Eric is dangerous, Alcide is dangerous — and humans like Sookie and Jason seem like they're in for a lot of trouble.
And, while this is somewhat controversial, the politics are dialed up to 11. A camp to study and reform vampires? "True Blood" has always struck us as an allegory for gay rights — and Sarah Newlin swanning around as a Michele Bachmann-type figure just seals the deal.
Last week's promising attempt to winnow storylines continues to our relief and delight (though we miss those hot Sookie/Eric snow sex scenes). But that Willa girl? Well, she has got to go!
Eric, Pam, Tara, and Willa
After kidnapping the governor's daughter, Eric brings the fairly willing Willa to Fantasia for further questioning. Seems she's got intel on this "camp" where they take vampires to perform experiments on their physiology and psychology.
Warning: The following clip contains adult language:
Pam is not amused that Eric's found a new plaything. She wants to kill Willa, but Eric intends to keep her around as negotiating bait. When they hold up in bartender Ginger's house, Willa tries to put the moves on Eric, but please — this is Eric f---ing Northman we're talking about. He first saw those tricks, like, five centuries ago. Plus, if he's going to let his guard down for a human, it's going to be Sookie Stackhouse and no other, thanks!
When night falls, the governor calls Eric to plead for his daughter's life. Unfortunately, while dad was away, grandchild decided to play ... kidnapper herself. He discovers that Tara has taken Willa to who-knows-where. An annoyed Pam and a pissed Eric fly off to find them both.
Andy, Holly, and the fairy girls
The cutest "why the heck aren't they together" couple in Bon Temps are it again. And we don't mean sex — we mean being totally cute and yet not in a relationship! We get it — Andy slept with Morcella and Holly is pissed. But can't the guy get a fairy pass?
Holly seems to be softening; she asks Andy for help in warding of vamps overrunning her motel. He takes her to practice shooting a gun at the most sacred of all places: Fort Bellefleur.
Meanwhile, Andy's fairy daughters are tweens now. Who knows what they're Snap Chatting about the "shooting lesson" between their dad and Miss Holly!
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Steve and Sarah Newlin
Oh, sweet, dear, precious Steve. Last we saw him — or really, thought we saw him — was when Luna went on national TV as him. But now, he's been captured and is taken to that camp that Willa Burrell mentioned.
Part of Steve's "rehabilitation" group includes a familiar, surprising face — Sarah Newlin (Anna Camp)! We're always glad to see her, but this Sarah is different. She's tougher, hardened by her husband coming out as gay and a vampire. And she isn't about to give Steve the spotlight again.
"If you really want to do God's work, you have to be in politics," she says while breezing out the door. And just as Steve humiliated her, she will "reform" him.
Alcide, Sam, Rikki, and Nicole
Can't werewolves and shifters just get along?! Last season, we loved seeing Alcide and Sam team up. Now, these two essentially good guys are enemies, and we hate it. Bring back the bromance!
Deputies come to Alcide's compound to look for Emma, but Rikki barks the poor girl into shifting, so all they find is a cute little puppy dog.
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That trick doesn't last for long, as the tourists — Nicole, boyfriend Jesse, and friends — drive up to the compound to spread the word. Wow, either these hipsters are really, really stupid or … really, really, really stupid. Despite Alcide's orders, Rikki and the others transform into wolves and attack the tourists, killing all but Nicole. They get some of it on camera, but did it transmit?
When Rikki's about to tear Nicole apart, Alcide manages to prevent her maiming. But was the whole thing a diversion? A nearby owl turns out to be Sam! He uses the chaotic situation to sneak in and whisk Emma away. But just as they're about to run for it, he sees an injured Nicole and — Sam being Sam — decides to help her instead.
Sookie, Jason, Niall, and Ben
Niall is still on DefCon1 alert about Warlow. When he goes to investigate a strange noise outside, Jason tries to follow him — and gets whupped in the head.
Niall is curious why Sookie herself isn't more scared; after all, she's the one Warlow is after. But as Sookie notes, she can't even remember the last time she wasn't in danger. Yeah, girlfriend can't pick her men.
One of those men comes to see her. No, not a naked Eric, but a very uptight-looking Bill. He's able to come inside Sookie's house without an invitation, pins Jason to a wall, and levitates a plate Sookie throws in his face. Right, this isn't just Bill ... this is Billith.
He wants Sookie's blood. Not (just) to drink himself, but to replicate — he wants to create a Tru Blood beverage out of Sookie's fairy blood. Then, he and all of the other vampires can walk in the daylight, as he so briefly did a couple seasons back.
Sookie flat-out refuses, and Bill coldly tells her, "You're dead to me now, Sookie Stackhouse." Oh, snap!
Over in the field containing the fairy portal, Niall investigates the boudoir club and finds that every fairy in there was brutally murdered or chased away. There's one lone sort-of survivor, who gasps out that a powerful vampire found and destroyed them.
After leaving the portal, an angry Niall runs into Ben and informs him that the portal world has been ravaged. Will Ben help him avenge this massacre? Sure — especially if it means helping one Sookie Stackhouse.
But when Niall and Ben show up at Sookie's, she's understandably wary. Some guy she randomly happened across on the road is now BFFs with her fairy grandfather? Not cool.
Then again, Ben seems like a pretty good guy. He tries to help clean up the mess Bill made (both literally and figuratively), but it could take awhile. A very, very long while.
Later, Niall once again senses a presence outside Sookie's house. But the vamp he hand-flashes isn't Warlow — it's Nora, who's also looking for the decrepit old guy.
She scrams, but not before Jason faints/collapses into a heap on the floor. Oh no, Sookie — if you lose your brother, who else will you have left?
Bill and Jessica
Bill clearly isn't a god or demigod, since he bursts into flames when the sun rises. And yet his vision of Lilith was in the daylight. Hmmm, when's the last time Bill could walk in the sun? Oh right, it's when he almost drained Sookie of her blood.
Meanwhile, Jessica is really taking this progeny thing very seriously by fulfilling Billith's request of seducing the guy who invented Tru Blood, Professor Takahashi. He's apparently susceptible to young redheaded coeds wearing garters (as if that's something that actually happens on real college campuses).
But none of it will matter if Sookie doesn't want to give her blood over. Right? Sadly, no. There are other fairies floating around Bon Temps. They don't have names, just numbers — Andy's tween fairy daughters.
Sheriff Andy runs into Bill at the cemetery and politely warns him about the new curfew. Bill spots a stuffed animal in Andy's car and catches a whiff of fairy.
Enjoy the time with your daughters, Bill suggests as a gleam comes to his eye. They'll be out of the house before long.
Bill would never! Maybe, but Billith would!
Check out reactions from Twitter, and then sound off on the episode in the comments below.
Season six of @TrueBloodHBO is on par with the first two seasons. Too much goodness in tonight's episode for 140 characters to hold.— Joshua Gordon (@FlashGordon800) July 1, 2013
Though I get where Tara is coming from, I don't think she really thought this through. If anyone can find you, it'd be your maker #TrueBlood— Mindy Haltiwanger (@westwingwolf) July 1, 2013
"True Blood" airs Sundays at 9 PM on HBO.