If "X Factor" boss Simon Cowell were a schoolboy, he'd have the class riveted with tales of his summer vacation. There's the whole "expecting a baby with his good friend's estranged socialite wife" thing. There's this scary new poster for Fox's oft-stumbling little engine that (almost) could, "The X Factor." But clearly, Simon's biggest summer project was finding a Photoshop artist with mad airbrushing skills. We kid. Clearly, nobody is airbrushed here. At all.
That said, could Demi Lovato look any less at ease pretend-strangling Simon with her arrowhead fingernails? Or maybe she's just using his head as a chin-rest for her superwhite teeth. Whitening strips or Photoshop, you ask? Nah, that's got to be Clorox! Meanwhile, Simon's teeth are almost as smooth and creamy as his forehead. Botox or Photoshop, you ask? Nope. That man is made of wax from Madame Tussauds. But is it the same wax used to shine Demi's pleather bodysuit? We're overwhelmed with so many questions that we have to look away from the pair and focus on the new judges who are allegedly "in charge" with Demi.
Kelly Rowland clearly shares a passion for dentistry. Her costume takes us to the mall boutique Cache to find a dress for a Sheena Easton concert, which is awesome because this show is supposed to have pizzazz. We think that's Paulina Rubio screaming for help over on the left, but we can't be sure because we can see only four of her teeth.
"The X Factor" returns on Wednesday, 9/11 at 8 PM on Fox.