"Today": I want to be on "Kids Jeopardy!" like little Thomas Horn! Even though I'm (probably) over the age limit I think I'd do really well answering questions about Selena Gomez and feather hair extensions and algebra! Just kidding! I failed the audition to be on "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?"
"GMA": Did you see the cool photo slideshow from some brick-thinking artist who depicted the most iconic stories of 2011, all in LEGO form? LEGO Steve Jobs was rad, and the LEGO Royal Wedding was jolly good. Hey, how come no LEGO Nyan Pop Tart Cat? The Internet likes LEGOs too, you guys!
"Access Hollywood Live": Leave it to Dina Lohan to try and start a feud with Kit Hoover, who's like the nicest person on the planet by the way! Surprisingly Dina did it through text message and not in person. I'm pretty sure this marks the first time ever that there was a camera on and Dina wasn't trying to get in front of it! Sorry to be harsh, but Kit's my girl!
"Wake Up With Al": I'm pretty sure Al searches far and wide for turtle-related videos just so he can bust out his turtle impression, which is really just him talking really slow in a low voice. It's kinda cute and funny but I hate to break it to you Al, it's not THAT funny. Might be time to come up with some new material!
"Live! with Kelly": Hollywood stars are always trying out those fad diets, and today Daniel Craig rattled off the list of foods he used to get into character and turn himself from bulked-up James Bond into a doughy Swedish reporter for "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo". His daily menu was, and I quote: "pizza, red wine, coffee with cream, and gummy bears."Whoa, weird… that's exactly what I plan to eat in the theater while I watch the movie!(Also: Gummi Bears? Why not Swedish Fish?)
"GDLA": Jillian seemed pretty upset by that nasty tweet, and I don't blame her, people can be mean on Twitter. Just the other day someone called me whiny. I'm not whiny! That really hurt my feeeeelingssssa. Seriously you guys... I'm not whiiinnnyyyy!
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