Hashtag … uncomfortable? This season's Bachelorette, Desiree Hartsock, had her fair share of awkward moments on Monday night's season premiere, including (but not limited to) a shirtless suitor, a one-trick magician, and yes, a social media guru who thought it clever to use the word "hashtag" before everything he said.
It's gonna be a long season.
The season 9 premiere kicks off in typical franchise fashion, with a quick trip down memory lane, wherein Des recounts her humble beginnings growing up in "an apartment where my brother's room was the living room. Not a lot of money, not a lot of nice things." The Northglenn, Colo. native also touches upon her emotional exit from the last season of The Bachelor, when Sean Lowe broke her heart on national TV immediately following her hometown date.
Luckily for Des, however, she's come to realize that her "journey" has actually led her to "exactly where I'm supposed to be." The bridal stylist is more sure now about what she's looking for in a man ("communication"), and is excited at the prospect of potentially designing her own wedding dress by the end of the season. Oh, the possibilities!
Cue the limos. Des excitedly awaits her 25 suitors-a-waitin', and it turns out that she's in for quite a treat. One after another, the men step up to the plate and try to impress Des with their quick wit and charm (spoiler alert: some fail more than others). One man, however, decides that what Des will be most impressed by are his abs.
"I know you had a lot invested in Sean, and I know he had great abs," a shirtless Zak kicks off their uncomfortable conversation. "So I have to ask you … Will you accept these abs?" Des winces, smiles politely, and tries to move it along.
But Zak's not the only bachelor to try his hand at a cheap gimmick or two. Diogo creaks out of the limo in a full suit of armor, Michael fishes in the well for Des' original penny from last season, Nick R. turns a paper napkin into a real rose, and Ben brings the best prop of all: His son, Brody.
The youngster toddles out of the limo and hands Des a bright yellow daisy before Ben emerges a few moments later, drawing awws from Des (and later, a rose, naturally).
But it's social media guru Kasey's insistence on tacking the word "hashtag" before every word that is the ultimate sticking point of the evening. And because Des ultimately opts to keep him around, there will undoubtedly be more terrible jokes to be had this season.
Also safe from the evening are Ben, Zak, Michael G., Bryden, Nick M., and Drew, who all receive roses during the cocktail party. Brandon, Zack K., Will, Brooks, Juan Pablo, Brad, Kasey, James, Robert, Brian, Dan, Chris, and Mikey also get a pass through to the next day, leaving armored Diogo, shirtless Larry, magician Nick R., a sartorially challenged Micah, and dental student Mike R. out in the cold.
Oh, and lest it be forgotten: Des doesn't like skeevy guys. Case in point, Jonathan, whom she rejects not once, not twice, but three times after the bachelor actually thought it would be a good idea to bring up the Fantasy Suite upon their first meeting.
"I'm not that kind of girl," Des tells him flat-out after he hands her a mock Fantasy Suite card just outside the mansion. See, Jonathan? Communication is key.
Tell Us: Which of the men should Hartsock ultimately pick?
This article originally appeared on Usmagazine.com: The Bachelorette Season Premiere: Desiree Hartsock Rejects Fantasy Suite Proposition