'American Horror Story: Hotel' Recap: Suicide Squad

Warning: This recap for the “She Gets Revenge” episode of American Horror Story: Hotel contains spoilers.

There’s nothing quite like a TV show that spends much of its season painstakingly setting up the intertwining lives of its myriad characters and then shoots four of them in the head. But American Horror Story has only ever played by one commandment: Thou Shalt Unsettle, and this week it did just that by ostensibly killing off the undisputed star (and Golden Globe Nominee!), Lady Gaga. Now, obviously this is a show where death means little and this won’t be the last we’ve seen of her, but that didn’t mean the final moment — Liz Taylor and Iris busting into The Countess’ chamber unloading no fewer than FOUR guns — wasn’t visceral and powerful. Two long put-upon employees taking out the woman who’d both made them and habitually broken them? It would be shocking if it weren’t so narratively necessary. That the moment was set to Drake’s “Hotline Bling” was only one more reason why it was an instant TV classic for the ages.

“She Gets Revenge” felt like the release we’ve needed after months of suspense and build-up. Characters set aside concerns of the past and made present-tense decisions to take control of their futures. AHS:Hotel has always been sprawling by nature, but this episode seemed to rein everything in rather elegantly, setting up what’s now become a franchise mainstay: A low-key but highly emotional string of final episodes. Let’s talk about this one!

We began with what appeared to be a typical day for Liz Taylor: Checking in an elderly couple so that they could messily commit suicide upstairs!

Leave it to this show to marry an incredibly poignant concept with an absolutely gruesome payoff. Truly what a show! But don’t worry, theirs wouldn’t be the ONLY suicide pact in this cold open.

That’s right, both Iris and Liz Taylor decided they’d HAD IT with this plane of existence. And Liz Taylor would have blown her own brains out right then and there had Iris not reminded her that a ghost with unfinished business was doomed to hang out in the hotel forever. So they made a pact: As soon as Liz Taylor had resolved her relationship with her estranged son, they’d both shuffle off this mortal coil together. Happy Holidays!

In another room, Detective John Lowe was admiring his newest trophy, a set of severed ears he’d stolen from members of a Santa Muerte cult. At this point he only had one trophy left to collect, and then he was “finished.” But are serial killers ever really finished? Are we to believe that he was going to give up killing altogether after this? I don’t know, guys, I really don’t.

So then Alexanda Daddario paid Lady Gaga a visit and even though they were kissing and tussling on the bed sexily, it was clear that they were no longer the semi-lovers that they once were. In fact, The Countess clearly wanted her romantic rival dead, and she’d brought a gun to a knife-fight. Not a metaphor: The former lover brandished a knife and The Countess SHOT HER IN THE FACE. Which was a coincidence, because across town Donovan was doing the same to Valentino:

Yep, it was just a good old-fashioned face-shooting party! Donovan made sure to shoot Valentino in the face A LOT. And I don’t know about you guys, but I’m kinda tired of seeing Finn Wittrock get killed off of this show? He is great! Bring him back as a third character please! But back to what I was saying, those super old vampires were now dead. So much for that arc.

Later, The Countess was wearing her best mourning suit and telling a pair of detectives that her new husband was probably dead, but then was mortified when he walked into the room like nothing had happened. Now, obviously, he’s a ghost, but in this world ghosts look and feel like tangible people, so The Countess could do nothing but stammer and blush as the detectives politely excused themselves. Ugh, ghosts are always ruining murder plots! But as James March would later point out, it WAS especially dumb of The Countess to murder Will Drake inside the very spectral prison she’d hoped to lord over. Just a major oversight on her part. His ghost will be forever barging in on her important meetings! And good luck with all those sex orgies, lady.

Then the contractor dude who built the vampire vault was burned alive, but in my opinion a contraption like this would really come in handy during those cold winter months, you know? Maybe turn down the flames a lil and you’ve got yourself a cozy and toasty good time!

James March really loves an opportunity to put on his cenobite mask and murder a dude. Also, he was thinking that John Lowe should have dinner with his soon-to-be ex-wife or something. I don’t know. Paranormal matchmaking!

They decided to go on a date to the house where Alex found all those dead parents and jerk vampire kids. Obviously the kids immediately tried to murder them both, but John Lowe was able to reason with them (via a gun) that they should all come with them back to the Hotel Cortez for a fun and chill time. Next thing we knew, a gaggle of vampire children were being led into the vampire vault!

It was basically vampire juvie, and there was only one correctional officer:

Honestly, those children LUCKED OUT. What a dream this would be! No adult responsibilities, no internet, nothing to do but sit around and listen to Angela Bassett tell stories. Sign me up!

Anyway, John Lowe and Alex were rekindling things (via having sex) and this made Hypodermic Sally SO steamed. She reminded him that only she was cool with him being a secret serial killer, and Alex would not be. Then they had this big Tennessee Williams-esque scene where they argued and kissed and he tried to deny his passion for her and she threatened to kill him, and they strangled each other a bit and she tried to stab him with a knife. Just some very melodramatic stuff. But he’d made his choice: He went with Alex. And Sally was not happy about it.

Liz Taylor needed to reconnect with her son, so she enlisted Miss Evers to make the phone call inviting him to come stay at the hotel free of charge. In exchange, Liz Taylor gifted her with a bottle of Oxy Clean and also a washer-dryer unit. I bring all this up because I wanted to get into how incredible Mare Winningham has been this season. She’s had small but memorable roles on the previous two seasons, but Miss Evers has been such an odd delight this year. From her sing-songy cadence to her sunshiny bigotry, there’s no one quite like her, and only Mare Winningham could take this cartoonish woman and give her this kind of lived-in pathos. So very, very good. (To be fair, I would be JUST as thrilled to receive a washer-dryer unit as a gift, so I really related to her here.)

In an earlier scene, Liz Taylor attempted to “befriend” her son, assuming he wouldn’t recognize her. They hadn’t seen each other in 31 years, and Liz wasn’t even sure her son knew that she was a woman now. But that scene had a lovely moment when Liz advised her son to follow his dreams and quit his corporate job and move to Colorado to sell adventure gear. Later, he dropped by the bar to thank Liz for the advice; he was indeed going to follow it. And just when this was the heartfelt push Liz Taylor needed to finally reveal herself as his father, the son beat him to the punch: He already knew.

It’s not common for AHS to indulge in actual, unvarnished poignancy, but when it does it’s as powerful as it gets. (Don’t even get me started on the Pepper episode of Freak Show or I might never stop crying.) And while it might seem TOO simple for a character who’s spent decades in a monster prison only to find redemption through a phone call and a few cocktails, it felt earned and correct. The kicker was that not only did the son appreciate his father’s advice, he took it a step further by openly inviting her back into his life. Liz Taylor wasn’t trapped here anymore; even if she stays here, she now has more connection to the outside world than she dreamed. Really moving.

Donovan and The Countess attempted to have a romantic dinner together, and within seconds she was commanding him to remodel the vampire vault or some such. That’s when he proudly confessed that he’d shot the face off of her ex-lover, Rudy Valentino. She did not take this well!

Say what you will about Iris, but the lady is thoughtful and thorough. Now that Liz Taylor had successfully closed up shop on her unfinished business, it was time for the two of them to commit suicide together. Iris had even gathered every single tool she possibly could. (Ten handguns? Why not!) But then we were treated to something as hilarious as it was devastating… Iris’ self-made video tribute to her own life.

I don’t know whether to laugh or just cry a lot, but how about both? Her PowerPoint presentation was mostly pictures of flowers and also a chimp hugging a baby tiger (?) set to a sappy ballad. But man did it give us a thorough picture of how limited and miserable her life had been. Poor Iris!

Fortunately, Liz Taylor’s unexpected invitation back into her son’s life had given her a new lease on her own life. Next thing we knew she was not feeling suicidal at all, and especially after seeing Iris’ video, decided that she and Iris needed to team up and take back their lives!

Iris’ look of defeat into disappointment into reluctant acceptance into heartfelt gratitude was the reason why Kathy Bates is Kathy Bates. What could have been a thankless supporting role suddenly shifted into the nuanced, tragic tapestry it always had been. Simply an amazing performance in a show full of them.

It was at this point that Alex finally revealed to John that Holden was still alive and was now a tiny immortal vampire and he had NOT dreamed it. Further, they all decided to finally leave the hotel once and for all. (And probably go find Scarlett somewhere, though if Scarlett is even halfway smart she’s found a better family by now.) But can you guess who was not happy to see John leave?

Sally vowed to “kill” John, and I’m guessing it wasn’t an idle threat! Even though she and her drilldo-dicked bestie are trapped in this hotel, they probably have their ways of getting revenge. Stay tuned!

While The Countess was out verifying that Valentino had indeed had his face blown off, Donovan stayed in her penthouse and danced to “Hotline Bling” all night. When she returned (distraught) she was surprised to find him there, as he must have known she would try and murder him. But then she seemed almost touched that he didn’t care? He was ready and willing to accept his punishment and in a weird way that impressed her. Within minutes they were already flirting and being romantic again, but it didn’t matter because then the doors flew open and THIS happened:

THAT’S RIGHT. Liz Taylor and Iris ran in there and fired so many bullets at them! And yes, it was set to “Hotline Bling” as well, which is now the definitive use of that song. It was the sit up and clap moment of 2015, and not a moment too late.

I never in my life dreamed I’d witness a television scene wherein Denis O’Hare in drag and Kathy Bates in giant glasses would enter a room firing two guns EACH at Lady Gaga and Matt Bomer, but brother, I am VERY glad this undreamed dream came true. What a show this is! Explain to me again why people don’t like Ryan Murphy? He is a weaver of dreams, a maestro of audacity. Does anyone else even attempt to meld the ludicrous with the high-brow with the devastating like he does? This episode made me feel genuine sadness and outright exhilaration, all while chuckling at the ridiculousness of it all. “She Gets Revenge” was straight-up wonderful. Happy Holidays indeed.

What did YOU think of “She Gets Revenge”?

American Horror Story: Hotel airs Wednesdays at 10 p.m. on FX