Which 'American' Show Is Most Red, White, and Blue?

Independence Day is here, which means we're all in an American state of mind. Also on our mind? Spending the long holiday weekend curled up on the couch, watching some great television. In the interest of satisfying both urges, we're looking back on some of the many shows that have boldly declared their nationality in the title — think American Masters, American Horror Story, and American Dad!. We've graded these series on a 1 to 5 flag scale, and we expect some of these ratings to inspire fireworks.

American Masters (PBS, 1986-present)

American Tale: An ongoing docuseries chronicling the lives of the nation’s leading men and women of the arts and letters, from Woody Allen to Alice Waters.

National Pride: Getting your own American Masters episode is like the public television equivalent of winning an Emmy.

National Shame: To date, there are still no episodes for Jim Henson, Steven Spielberg, or Meryl Streep. There’s your next season, producers.

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American Gladiators (Syndication, 1989-1996; NBC, 2008)

American Tale: Competitors tested their strength and skill in a series of gladiatorial games, pitted against skilled warriors with awesome names like "Nitro" and "Ice."

National Pride: The gladiator arena represented the American ideal in microcosm: an egalitarian place where everyone started on equal footing, but only the strongest and savviest survived.

National Shame: Let us never speak of the NBC reboot, which sullied the franchise’s glory days.

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American Gothic (CBS, 1995-1996)

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American Tale: Strange supernatural things are going down in the sleepy Southern town of Trinity, South Carolina.

National Pride: The show is overflowing with cult talent, from executive producer Sam Raimi and creator Shaun Cassidy to stars Gary Cole, Paige Turco, and a young Sarah Paulson.

National Shame: That we can’t stream it right now.

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American Dreams (NBC, 2002-2005)

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American Tale: The Philadelphia-based Pyror family stays strong and carries on during the turbulent ‘60s, with the aid of the hip tunes splashed across the airwaves via American Bandstand.

National Pride: It introduced us to a terrific TV family, and helped us remember why American Bandstand was such an important program during its heyday. (Bonus: It was a like a Spotify classic rock playlist in TV form.)

National Shame: That so few people watched it.

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The American Embassy (Fox, 2002)

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American Tale: A London-stationed U.S. Foreign Service officer tackles a variety of international incidents on foreign soil.

National Pride: It taught viewers about the various services offered by U.S. Embassies around the world, some of which were accurate and others… well, not.

National Shame: Foreign Service officers are some of the most important, and most undersung, government employees around. They deserve a better show than this.

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American Family (PBS, 2002-2004)

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American Tale: Before he commanded the battlestar Galactica, Edward James Olmos headed up an extended Hispanic family living in Los Angeles.

National Pride: The show quietly made history as the first primetime drama series to be made by and about Latinos.

National Shame: That achievement was too quiet — American Family never got the attention it perhaps deserved.

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American Chopper (Discovery, 2003-2007; TLC, 2008-2010)

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American Tale: A father and son work on their issues while working on motorcycles.

National Pride: Nothing’s more American than tooling around on an enormous, gas-guzzling chopper and Paul Teutul, Sr. and Jr. made some of the best.

National Shame: That this family was never truly healed; father and son eventually went their separate ways and currently operate competing shops.

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American Dad! (Fox, 2005-2014; TBS, 2014-present)

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American Tale: Meet Seth MacFarlane’s other family guy, Stan Smith, conservative family man and super-duper CIA spook.

National Pride: After an uneven start, American Dad! eventually established its own distinct identity from Family Guy.

National Shame: That identity is still pretty juvenile.

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American Horror Story (FX, 2011-present)

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American Tale: Ghosts, serial killers, witches, and carnies — all sorts of freaks come out to play on Ryan Murphy’s anthology horror series.

National Pride: It made the country remember what an amazing actress Jessica Lange is. Also, it exposed a mass audience to kinky sex stuff (Hi, Rubber Man!) long before the Fifty Shades of Grey movie.

National Shame: That the show has never taken home an Outstanding Miniseries or Movie Emmy.

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American Heiress (MyNetworkTV, 2007)

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American Tale: After crash-landing in the jungle, a spoiled rich girl falls for her studly pilot, but their romance is frowned upon when they make it back to the big city.

National Pride: It’s the American way to route for couples from the wrong side of the tracks.

National Shame: Except when they’re this obnoxious and unlikable.

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