Kids, do not try this at home.
Sure, things have turned out OK so far for A.J. Clemente. Fired after dropping some Quentin Tarantino-like dialogue into his first (and last) newscast for NBC's affiliate in Bismarck, North Dakota, Clemente has since gone viral and appeared on David Letterman's late-night show.
See him on "Letterman":
But the larger point remains: There are some things anchors and reporters should never, ever do on live TV.
1. Don't let your guard down, especially when you don't have a blind-side tackle on your team.
2. Please, please, please don't vomit (although, if you must, then a cheery disposition is appreciated).
3. Don't confuse visual impairment for sexual orientation (and, frankly, it's unclear why you ever would).
The gay, whoops, blind climber Erik Weihenmayer bore no grudge -- he even sat down with anchor Cynthia Izaguirre in 2012.
4. When in doubt, don't look at a murder suspect's crazy-eyed mug shot while reading a story about said suspect's alleged crime.
And, just so you know, no, anchor Hema Mullur was not fired for her ill-timed laughing fit.
NEXT: An anchor appears to be sleeping...
5. Don't fall out of your chair, especially when all you're doing is, like, sitting on it.
6. Don't be the only one on your set (or in your audience) who doesn't have a dirty mind.
7. Don't (appear to) nap.
According to reports, the unresponsive Fox News correspondent, Doug Luzader, informed the above clip's original YouTube poster that he was not asleep; he was reading. And also, he reputedly said, his earpiece wasn't working. So there.
8. Don't kill off Obamacare.
And one more thing: If you pull an A.J. Clemente, then please go out like Sue Simmons, apology and all.
Simmons, the longtime WNBC anchor in New York, parted ways with the station in 2012 (four years after her infamous slip). On her final newscast, the New York Times reported, she blurted out, "Shut the front door!"
Teased Simmons: "Almost got you, didn't I?"