'The Bachelor' Episode 6 Recap: 'Everybody Else Can Suck It'

Warning: This recap of episode 6 of The Bachelor contains spoilers.

Let’s not waste any time with preliminaries, rose lovers — like you, all I want to know is this: Is Ben going to send Olivia packing? We pick up right where last week’s episode left off, with the Bachelor pulling She Whose Mouth Will Not Be Shut aside for a heart-to-heart.

Why, because they’re jealous, Ben, don’t you see? Olivia tells the Bachelor she’s been targeted due to her extraordinary connection with him, because she got the first impression rose, because she tries to talk to him first at cocktail parties. And of course Olivia throws a little shade in for good measure: “Everybody here is really into painting their nails and doing each other’s hair,” she explains. “I’m different. I like reading books in my room and thinking… I want to talk smart things.” (Emphasis mine. Can someone print that up on a t-shirt for me please?)

Related: Chris Harrison Blogs ‘The Bachelor’ Episode 6

I’ve got to give Olivia credit, though — rather than getting overly emotional or defensive, she calmly tells Ben she’s not surprised that the other women feel intimidated by her, but that’s just because she’s so confident in what she and Ben have. It’s enough to convince Ben, apparently, because he brings her back to party and lets Olivia take her seat with the other “ladies.”

“When Ben grabbed me, they were probably like, ‘Score! She’s going home,’” scoffs Olivia. “But it didn’t work. I walked right back in. I walked right back in.”

So which woman will be the victim of Olivia’s successful subterfuge? Robot roll call: Caila, Lauren B., JoJo, Becca, Leah, and Emily get roses, meaning it’s Jennifer — who seems like a perfectly nice person, though now we’ll never know — who’s going home. “My biggest fear in this whole process was leaving without him getting to know who I am,” sighs Jennifer. Don’t fret, honey — we’ll always have your boobs in this dress.

Go with God, Jennifer. Now, on to the Bahamas! Once there, the “ladies” have barely had a chance to sip their morning mimosas before Harrison arrives with the dreaded news: It’s two-on-one time!! But more on that torture later — first it’s time to find out who gets the first one-on-one date of the week. And the answer is… not Leah!

Nope, instead Caila gets her second solo outing with Ben, and this is just too much for Leah to bear. She’s no fool — she’s done the math and knows what Team Bachelor could have planned. “I’m not going to put myself through a two-on-one,” she sobs, while locked in the bathroom with Lauren H. “If he doesn’t want to get to know me, it’s not fair. There’s no reason I should be here.”

Meanwhile, on the date…

Back at the hotel, Leah’s meltdown is continuing. “I live 10 minutes from him! We could have met at a bar,” she cries. “But no, the universe brought us together here in this process, and he doesn’t want to explore that.” No, instead Ben wants to explore whether there’s anything to Caila underneath her bubbly, Sex Panther exterior. “I want to get to know the Caila that’s behind her smile,” explains the Bachelor. But when Ben asks her how she would react in a relationship if she or her partner were “struggling,” Caila doesn’t play along. “I don’t know if I’m 100 percent ready right now to cry on your shoulder,” she informs him. “To be honest, I feel a little put on the spot to do that right now.”

Yeah, Ben! Back off! It’s not like Caila’s just going to lay all of her emotions bare on the table between you… Wait, we’re getting a late-breaking report from the scene…

Okay, what she actually said was, “I feel like I love you.” But… huh? I’m sorry, Caila, but once you declare your love for a relative stranger on national TV, you pretty much forfeit the right to say you’re “not ready” to be vulnerable. Oh, and it gets more confusing.

Wait… WHAT? Which is it? You love Ben or you might not be able to love him, thereby causing him to face his biggest fear — the fear of being unloveable? This is making my head hurt. So it sounds like this “process” has brought Caila to the realization that she’s not ready to be in a serious relationship, and perhaps she ought to go… What’s that? She said what?

WTAF, Caila! Now you’re saying Ben makes you feel “understood” and you want him in your life? What about the other you who just said you weren’t read? Whatever the hell is going on, the Bachelor LOVES it. “It’s almost attractive that Caila can be confusing,” he gushes. “It means that she’s not just the smiley, bubbly energetic girl.” Well that’s for sure — if Ben ends up with Caila, he’ll get (at least) two personalities for the price of one.

Group daaaaate! While Caila and Ben were off having the world’s most circular conversation, we learned that Lauren B., Becca, Amanda, JoJo, Lauren H., and Leah would be going on the next group date. (Which, of course, means the two-on-one showdown will be a she said/she said battle between Olivia and Emily — but more on that later.) Though she escaped the dreaded two-on-one, Leah is still pretty bummed about life. “I wanna enjoy the day, but I’m not in the greatest of spirits right now,” she grouses, telling the women, “I feel like I’m being overshadowed.”

Well, honey, at least you’re being overshadowed while chillin’ on a boat in the Bahamas. “Life could be a lot worse,” Ben tells the “ladies” as they take shots of some kind of orange concoction. And life is about to get a lot better, because Ben and his dates are headed to… Pig Beach! Which is a real place! Honestly, I think Team Bachelor only planned this excursion so they could obtain footage of all the “ladies” waving hotdogs.

And as Ben helpfully points out, these are chicken hot dogs, so the pigs are not cannibals. Phew. And though the Bachelor gave the “ladies” a signal to show the pigs when they’re out of hot dogs…

…the beasts are remarkably aggressive to the point where one of them almost consumes JoJo.

When the feeding frenzy dies down, though, the other women start to notice that Ben only has eyes for Lauren B. Other Lauren finds this particularly distressing, seeing as she quit her job as a kindergarten teacher to throw herself at Ben, but now “he doesn’t speak to me because the other girls are hotter.” And Lauren H. isn’t the only one feeling uncomfortable — Becca says the date is “awkward,” and JoJo says the whole situation is “weird.” The latter tries to explain the source of the tension to Ben — “There’s one of you and six of us here” — but the Bachelor is still frustrated.

Only Mike Fleiss — and he ain’t telling.

Eventually Leah works up the courage to guilt Ben about not giving her the one-on-one date. “I feel like I’m the group date groupie!” she wails, wiping away tears. “Marriage is a really big deal to me, and I feel like I’m one of the few girls here who are genuinely ready for it.” Dayum, shots fired! There’s not much the Bachelor can do except urge Leah to “make the most of this day,” so she accepts his pity hug and wanders off to cry in the surf.

At the post-date cocktail party, Becca admits to Ben that she was “stand-offish” during the day because she, like most of the other women, have noticed his “very obvious connection” with Lauren B. While it initially frustrates Ben further, he walks away from the chat realizing that a little air-clearing is good for the soul — especially when you’ve got six jealous women to soothe. So when he sits down with Amanda, he launches into a litany of affirmations. “I like you — don’t doubt that,” he says, adding that he’s “very, very into” her. Then they smooch.

When it’s Leah’s turn to chat with Ben, it seems she’s figured out a way to “save” herself — by throwing other “ladies” under the bus! “There are definitely women in the house that I feel aren’t being so real with you, and it, like, hurts me,” she says somberly. “Some people are just different in the house then they are, I think, towards you.” And no — she’s not talking about Olivia: “I think it’s the one person you have the strongest connection with… [Lauren B.]” (That last part is in brackets because I’m 99.9 percent sure Team Bachelor just dubbed it in from different audio — they’re sneaky like that. Oh, look who’s here!

Because Ben is earnest — and let’s be honest, a bit gullible — he basically takes Leah’s comments at face value rather than recognizing them as a desperate, last-minute ploy by an angry girl who doesn’t want to go home. The Bachelor relays Leah’s accusations to Lauren B., who is understandably flummoxed and annoyed. “I feel like I’ve been pretty genuinely who I am,” she tells Ben. “I don’t really know, like, how to show you…” She holds her tears in until she’s back with the other “ladies” on the Waiting Couch. The women can’t believe someone would be so underhanded, and when Leah plays dumb — “Well, I didn’t say anything” — it becomes pretty clear that she is, of course, the one who badmouthed Lauren B. to Ben.

Of course, there’s still the date rose to deal with — Ben wisely chooses the path of least resistance and gives it to Amanda, a.k.a. “the sweet person that we all know.” Though Leah is somewhat “relieved” the date rose didn’t go to Lauren B., she knows her mission has not been accomplished. “Tonight I’m going to have to do something a little more, you know, extreme,” she announces. And the next thing we know, she’s curling her eyelashes and preparing to head into battle.

Knock knock knock! There’s a deceptive little minx at the door!

Rather than using this stolen time to tell Ben more about herself (and, novel idea, learn more about him), instead Leah launches right back into her Lauren B. smear campaign. “I don’t want to sit here and talk bad things about Lauren,” she begins. “But we see a lot more in the house than you do… Lauren will be like, 'Oh, if Amanda ends up with Ben, that’s great.’” Meanwhile, Amanda and Emily are giving Lauren B. a pep talk, saying Ben will of course see through Leah’s obvious and uncalled-for attack. But will he?

Survey says… YES! “The more Leah talks, I realize there’s a disconnect between the two of us,” Ben tells us, before attempting to let Leah down gently. “I don’t know what’s missing… but something just doesn’t feel right,” he explains. “I just realize that there hasn’t been anything in our relationship really since [the first night].” In other words, honey, YA DUMPED. Unfortunately Team Bachelor lets her come back to the hotel room to pack — personally I was hoping she’d be sent away in a Reject Taxi while one of the show’s patented Suitcase Ninjas sneaks in and silently removes her stuff.

“I feel foolish, but I think Ben is a fool for letting me go,” says Leah tearfully. “I regret how I handled the process… It is what it is.” And what it is, obviously, is a very successful audition for Bachelor in Paradise. See you this summer, toots!

Man, all this drama and we haven’t even gotten to tonight’s main event: The two-on-one date! The sea was angry that day, my friend…

…but Olivia, as always, insists she’s happy.

But Emily should be feeling good, because her fringe game is on point.

Despite the strong winds and ominous-looking sky, Ben greets the women at a dock and invites them for a boat ride on the choppy seas. Hope the Bachelor Interns brought enough Dramamine. The make it to their destination — another secluded island — where they sip wine while the wind whips thousands of grains of sand at their skin. After about 8 seconds of such torture, Ben, who doesn’t want to “waste time today,” pulls Olivia aside for a chat. Well, “chat” implies a two-way conversation, and in this case it’s really just another Olivia-on-Olivia monologue.

And, perhaps sensing that she needs to acknowledge Ben’s presence, Olivia caps off her speech with what she no doubt hopes will be a show-stopping declaration: “I’m in love with you!” Ben’s reaction — he looks down, and doesn’t really lean in when Olivia goes for a kiss — indicates that he’s not super excited about this revelation… but it’s hard to say. The Bachelor tells Olivia he’s “glad” she was able to “open up,” and walks her back to the beach.

When it’s Emily’s turn, she, too, delivers a bit of a monologue, but in this case it’s all about herself in relation to Ben: “I want today to just be the beginning of our journey,” she begins, bravely venturing on even though the wind continues to blow all of her hair over her face. “I know that I have a lot of growth and stuff in front of me, but I want you to experience that with me.” It seems as though Ben likes what he’s hearing, but he only offers a non-committal comment about how Emily has “a lot of love to give” before walking her back to Olivia and the waiting date rose. And then this happens.

Emily, Olivia, and the rest of the viewing audience of course thinks Ben’s about to give Olivia the date rose and send one-half of the Wonder Twins home heartbroken… but the Bachelor, bless him, has something else in mind. “Today you really did take the time just to speak from your heart and tell me exactly what you were feeling,” says Ben, as Olivia beams at him. “Um… I don’t think I can reciprocate those feelings.” In other words…

Kudos, yet again, to Team Bachelor for their exquisite cruelty — making Ben take the date rose with him just so he can conclude the breakup with “I can’t give you this rose,” that’s just sublimely awful.

Emily gets the date rose, and all is right with the world. Cue the Suitcase Ninja! While I expected a bit more of a celebration from the “ladies” when they see that Olivia’s going home, instead they sit in solemn silence out of respect for their frenemy brought low. There but for the grace of the Bachelor go I.

Indeed, because it looks like maybe Team Bachelor is just going to leave Olivia alone on that island, with only a few scattered rose petals to keep her company. Watch Jimmy Kimmel break the moment down:

The next day when cocktail party time rolls around, Ben says he just doesn’t have it in him to suffer through another long night. The Bachelor sends Chris Harrison in to drop the bomb — “We’re going to go straight to the rose ceremony” — and then leaves them to freak out. “I’m probably going home tonight,” says Lauren B., her voice quavering. JoJo seconds that emotion: “I’m scared, you know?” We know, honey. Let’s get this over with: Becca, JoJo, and Lauren B. get roses, meaning Other Lauren — a.k.a. the one who didn’t think she was hot enough, a.k.a. Lauren H. — is headed back to the States on Die Alone Airlines.

Hang in there, hon. We’ll probably see you in Paradise.

With that, an eventful week six comes to a close. And judging from that extended promo, it looks like the remaining weeks will be equally dramatic — is it me, or are they setting it up to look like Ben pulls a Mesnick? Let me know your thoughts about Leah, Olivia, and (if you have any) Lauren H. in the comments, and be sure to check out Chris Harrison’s behind-the-scenes blog before you go. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go celebrate the return of the Accent Table of Doom. Long time no see, buddy!

The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC. Bachelor Live airs Mondays at 10 p.m. on ABC.