A girl should want to go to the fantasy suite with you; you shouldn't have to drag her!
When Desiree Hartsock meets her 25 suitors on "The Bachelorette" season premiere, they are almost uniformly handsome, charming, agreeable, and well-mannered. Except for one guy — creepy Jonathan. He tries to take Desiree to the "fantasy suite" three times, even though no such thing exists this early in the show). What a perv!
Luckily, Des doesn't take any nonsense and gives him the boot before the rose ceremony. Guys, "you're making me feel very uncomfortable" is never something you should hear on a first date!
Looking for love
Des pulls up to her gorgeous house, where she's greeted by host Chris Harrison. Having grown up with "not a lot of money, not a lot of nice things," the lavish living quarters and beautiful Malibu view take her breath away. But all those fancy things don't matter that much to Des. "Love and family are the most important things," she says.
We relive her experience on "The Bachelor," where she fell in love with and got her heart broken by Sean Lowe. But time heals all wounds, and now Desiree says, "I'm completely ready to fall in love again. I am ready to put a ring on it!"
It's raining men
It's time to meet some of the guys! There's Iraq War veteran Bryden, who joined the military after getting his own heart broken. Chicago banker Will is superexcited that the "Bachelorette" is Des, while drilling engineer Zak enjoys naked time on his balcony. Brandon had a tough childhood, with his father leaving when he was 5 and his mother struggling with alcohol addiction.
The first evening begins with the usual limos pulling up into the driveway. Of course, Zak gets out without a shirt on. Michael G. takes Des to the fountain to make a wish, while Chris gets on one knee … to tie his shoe.
It's all pretty standard stuff, except for a few standouts. There's Kasey, who works in social media and says "hashtag" a lot. "Hashtag perfect bachelorette, hashtag marriage material, and hashtag let the journey begin," he tells Des. (Barf.) Nick, the tailor/magician, does a trick where he turns a paper rose into a real one. Jonathan gives her a card that offers Des the chance to forego the other 24 guys and go with him to the fantasy suite. Umm, no thanks, she says (though that doesn't deter him at all!).
But most memorable is Ben, who brings along his super adorable 4-year-old son Brody! Awww … you can see Desiree's heart melting on the spot. Unfortunately, Brody has to go back into the limo; what, he can't be her 26th suitor? He would totally get a rose!
Just watching the bachelorette now and the guy with the kid just melted my heart. Rooting for you now kid! #bachelorette— Jillian Borsos (@jillianborsos) May 28, 2013
Inside the cocktail party, Nick the magician declares he's about to do an amazing magic trick: He's going to make Des disappear for five minutes. (Har har.)
But the other guys quickly start vying for her time. Ben tells her about Brody and Brody's mom, with whom he's "best friends." That seems kind of complicated to us. But Des gives him a first-impression rose anyway.
She also gives one to Zak, who strips down to his underwear and jumps in the pool, and to war veteran Bryden.
The evening is going very well for Des, until a seemingly tipsy Jonathan takes her aside. Once again, he asks her to go to the fantasy suite, and once again, Des politely declines. "I felt like I was trying to be funny and you didn't really get it," he says — which is so not the way to butter a girl up. Yeah, tell her she has no sense of humor!
Later, Jonathan tries for a third time to lead Des off into a dark hallway. Some of the other guys look like they're about to rescue her, but she is perfectly capable of handling him on her own. "You're making me feel very uncomfortable," she says, then asks him to leave. Jonathan walks out of the house and into the White Van of Shame.
"Hashtag fantasy suite fail," Kasey comments. (Barf again.)
Chris interrupts the party to start the rose ceremony. Six guys already have roses: Ben, Zak W., Bryden, Drew, Nick M., and Michael G.
Des gives out additional ones to James, Juan Pablo, Brad, Zack K., Kasey, Brooks, Brandon, Brian, Dan, Chris, Mikey T., Robert, and Will.
Eliminated: Jonathan, Nick R. (the magician), Larry the doctor, Mike R., Micah, and Diogo.
It's still too early to tell if Des is vibing on anyone, though she seems to really like Ben and Drew. Who are your favorites so far?
Just finished the first episode of the #bachelorette. The previews for the rest of the season are killer. I seriously can't wait.— Megan D. Martin (@Megan_D_Martin) May 28, 2013
Watch the full episode:
"The Bachelorette" airs Mondays at 8 PM on ABC.