We didn't realize how much we needed a good old-fashioned primetime soap in our lives until "Revenge" came along. Now we can't wait for our Wednesday night fix of beautiful rich people, glitzy Hamptons scenery, and the ever-scheming Emily exacting her sweet, sweet vengeance on those who wronged her.
Before tonight's pivotal episode, when we'll finally learn the truth behind the tragic events of Emily and Daniel's engagement party (who's dead? And who killed him?), we thought we'd look back on the most jaw-dropping moments "Revenge" has given us so far.
Victoria says 'I hate you' with a smile
We can pinpoint the exact moment we fell in love with deliciously evil society queen Victoria Grayson, played to icy perfection by Madeleine Stowe: It's when she confronted former friend Lydia (who, to be fair, had been sleeping with Victoria's husband) at a fancy ball and told her that she might smile and hug Lydia in public, but she actually is seething with deep-seated hatred for her. Jeez… we'd hate to see what happens to the people she doesn't hug.
Frank gets whacked by the real Emily
Victoria's bodyguard (and perhaps lover) Frank snooped around enough to discover that Emily had switched identities with her juvie lifemate, Amanda Clarke, and tracked the girl down in a seedy strip club. He was just about to tell all to Victoria when he got a tire iron to the skull, courtesy of Amanda. Frank ended up dead in a ditch, and Emily's secret remained safe -- for now, anyway.
Tyler's got a gun
We're not sure how we feel about Daniel's looney-tunes college roommate, Tyler: He's a little too over-the-top (and for this show, that's saying something), but he's definitely provided a healthy amount of soapy drama. Case in point: When his plans to ride the Graysons to corporate riches fell apart, Tyler resorted to holding Emily at gunpoint and taking Daniel's entire birthday party hostage. The crazy creep was soon detained without any bloodshed, but we think (and we hope) we haven't heard the last from him.
David Clarke... you ARE the father!
The twisted saga of Victoria's affair with Emily's dad (and accused terrorist) David Clarke got even more complicated with a stunning revelation straight out of a "Maury" episode. When Emily dug into the tapes of jailhouse interviews her dad did with bow-tied author Mason Treadwell, she discovered the ugly truth: Daniel's teen sister Charlotte isn't a Grayson at all; David's her real father, making her Emily's half-sister. Not only was this a huge shocker, it had the added benefit of making the annoying Charlotte suddenly much more interesting.
Lydia did a bad, bad thing
Lydia was the first Hamptonite to be served a cold dish of revenge, courtesy of Emily. Her affair with Conrad came to light during Victoria's ultra-swanky Memorial Day party. While chatting with Victoria and Lydia, Emily let it slip that she hoped Lydia's "husband" (aka Conrad) was okay after he suffered a health scare during a secret tryst. Oopsie! After that, Victoria banished Lydia from her inner circle -- and Emily's master plan had claimed its first victim.
Tyler hustles Nolan… in bed
Emily's greatest ally in her quest for revenge has been goofy tech billionaire Nolan Ross, who knows her real identity and has the funds (and the free time) to make her schemes a reality. But even he has his weaknesses: namely (and weirdly), Tyler, who shockingly seduced Nolan into not revealing his shady past as a gay hustler. C'mon, Nolan, you're a billionaire; you could do so much better than Tyler.
The dirty secrets of Hamptons society get 'Exposed'
If you can't trust your psychiatrist, who can you trust? The Hamptons elite (including Victoria) confided in therapist Dr. Michelle Banks with their deepest, darkest secrets -- which Banks videotaped for her records. But the good doc made the mistake of crossing Emily, institutionalizing her as a kid, so our devious heroine set up a trashy website, Hamptons Exposed, which broadcast those private therapy sessions for all to see… and ruined Dr. Banks' rep in town forever. You just got red-X'ed, beeyotch.
Lydia takes a fall (and ruins a taxi)
Poor Lydia: Her life really went down the tubes once Emily came to town. Not only did her affair with Conrad get exposed, which led Victoria to freeze her out completely, but Emily also managed to pin all of her evildoings on Lydia. After Frank the attack dog caught wind of this, he angrily cornered Lydia in her apartment, forcing her to flee to the roof, where she dramatically fell several stories onto a parked taxi. Thankfully, we learned the following week that Lydia wasn't dead -- just in a coma. Good… because Emily's not done with her yet.
Emily recommits to destroying Victoria's world
Part of Emily's grand scheme to bring down the Grayson family was to strike up a relationship with their eldest son, Daniel, a dashing college student who's home for the summer. But as the romance deepened, Emily found herself developing real feelings for Daniel, and started to question her plan to marry him just for revenge. That is, until Daniel told her that Victoria had admitted that David Clarke was Charlotte's father -- but only because David had raped her. When we saw that cold, steely look cross Emily's face once again, we could only think one thing: Oh, it is so on.
"Revenge" airs Wednesdays at 10 PM on ABC.