Why You Should Travel With Your Parents Right Now

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The author seeing the world through her parents’ eyes. (Photo: Sherry Ott/Otts World)

By Sherry Ott

It’s strange how you can be with your parents from your birth and continue to learn things about them that you never knew throughout the rest of your life. How is it possible that the people you’ve spent so much time with — maybe the most out of anyone — are still a mystery?

I believe it’s because for most of your life, they are playing a role, as if life is one big play. They play the roles of caregiver, disciplinarian, and coach. At least my parents did: They always had a way of dishing out love and fear equally. It is only now, as an adult, that I can understand that even if I did question their actions at the time, they really did have my best interests in mind.

I also understand that as we all age, we change. We become wiser, we mellow out, we let down our parenting walls, and we become just people. Their roles as parents are never done, really, but they do evolve. And I find that one of the best ways to reap the benefits of this evolution is to spend time with them, and for me that means traveling with them for some family bonding time.

They say “kids say the funniest things,” but have you hung around seniors lately? I travel with each of my parents quite a lot, and last summer, I took them on a trip to New Brunswick and Prince Edward Island, Canada. Every day, they had me either doubled over with laughter or surprised and delighted with new little tidbits that I never knew about them. Here’s why you should try it out with your parents, too.

1. You’ll see the world through their eyes.

My parents are pretty simple people. They aren’t showy; they’re happy to simply be growing stuff in their garden and eating what is fresh. And they eat fresh not because that’s the “in” and responsible thing to do but because they always have. Fancy dinners, hotels, and experiences aren’t anything would ever look for or treat themselves to; they’re just simple Midwesterners who come from a farming background.

It is precisely for that reason that I love to have them experience some luxuries that they seldom get — or give to themselves. After a luxurious dinner at the Algonquin Resort one night, my mom was starting to fall asleep in the bed next to me and suddenly mumbled, “All those fancy dishes coming out for dinner tonight. Now I have sugar plums dancing in my head.“ I laughed, as fancy flatware is something I seldom give any thought to, since I have had plenty of dinners at high-end restaurants all over the world.

“And do you need a different-shaped plate for everything?” she mused after that. “Round must not be ‘in’ any longer. I remember the first time I saw a square plate; it was in Singapore. And I thought, ‘What’s this world coming to? Square plates?’ I smiled as she continued, ‘Now you have triangles, teardrops, and rectangular plates!’”

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My mom trying her first oyster. Based on the face she made after, I think it was probably her last, too. (Photo: Sherry Ott/Otts World)

My dad chimed in on the fancy-plate conversation, too, and added his own perspective on the food: “Yes, and the garnish is put all over the place on the plate. I couldn’t find my mashed potatoes! Then I found them under the scallops. I wasn’t quite sure how to attack my plate, especially since no one else ordered the scallops, so I couldn’t follow anyone else’s lead.” Luckily, my dad didn’t throw his scallops across the room onto someone else’s plate.

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2. You’ll pick up on how much they’ve changed.

My mom has been mixing up words for years now; it’s part of her DNA to pronounce words incorrectly. I blame it on age, but on this trip, I noticed that my dad has now caught the word-scramble disease. Instead of calling Prince Edward island “PEI,” he called it “PIE.” Not just once, either: He made the mistake for the entire week!

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Every time I see my parents, I discover some new thing that has popped up — or, more aptly put, seems to be deteriorating. On this trip, it was my dad’s ability to murder words. And even though only a year has gone by since I traveled with my mom to Nova Scotia, I noticed that she now limps a little more, her arthritis has worsened, and her wrinkles are deeper. She actually told me on the trip that she was thinking of trying anti- wrinkle cream, and I let out a loud laugh. I felt a little bad, because she looked at me completely stunned, but considering she’s 78, maybe she should have thought about that a little earlier. At least that’s what I thought to myself.

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My parents celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary in September, and my dad drew this heart in the sand for her at the beach in New Brunswick. (Photo: Sherry Ott/Otts World)

The changes happen quickly, and traveling with them actually is a good way for me to gauge where they are in life. When you just go visit for a weekend in their home, they seem to keep it all together more and put on their best face, or they can sort of fake it. But share a hotel room with them for two full weeks, and you get the real picture. This is good.

3. You’ll see a whole new side of them.

My dad doesn’t do this at home, but when he’s traveling, he talks to everyone. And by everyone, I mean EVERYONE: the biker, the fisherman, the man behind the bar, the ship captain, and the guy in the hotel room next to us. I actually have to hurry him along at times. I watch in disbelief and think, “THIS is my dad? Huh? Why have I never seen this side of him?” He’s normally so intimidating that no one wants to talk to him, or at least that was my teenage version of him. Traveling brings out a new side to everyone, and I’m grateful that I get to see that new side of my very own father.

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My dad picking out lobster at the Bay of Fundy. (Photo: Sherry Ott/Otts World)

4. You’ll also learn about yourself.

I asked my mom about why dad is so social and talkative when we travel. She made a disgusted look and said, “Oh, I don’t know, I guess he doesn’t want to talk with me and would rather talk to others.” I let out a laugh in disbelief. It’s strange how even though some things change, there are patterns in all human beings. Even after 55 years of marriage, my mom — like most women, really — still knows how to somehow blame herself for something that most likely has nothing to do with her.

Related: The Most Annoying Things Parents Do on Planes

I also find that traveling with my parents mostly makes me think of my own mortality and aging, in addition to theirs. It’s human to take experiences and try to apply them to your own situation, and when I travel with my parents, I do this a lot. They really are the movie trailer to what to expect as I age. It’s eye-opening, and it creates a self-awareness that I otherwise might not have.

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Taking a seat with my mom in New Brunswick. We’re shrinking! (Photo: Sherry Ott/Otts World)

5. It teaches patience.

I travel solo most of the time, and that means I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself. However, family travel, and specifically traveling with my parents, is a real wake-up call. It means that I need to give more time to others, and pay attention to and have patience with them, too. Everything takes a bit longer, and we go a bit slower, but in the process, I see more: more of the destination, and more of them.

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Hiking with my parents in PEI National Park. (Photo: Sherry Ott/Otts World)

The actor J.K. Simmons recently won an Oscar and decided to dedicate his acceptance speech to his parents. I happened to be watching this speech with my parents when they were visiting me in Canmore, Alberta, this winter.

“Call your mom; call your dad,” he said. “If you’re lucky enough to have a parent or two alive on this planet, call ’em. Don’t text. Don’t email. Call them on the phone. Tell ’em you love ’em, and thank them, and listen to them for as long as they want to talk to you.”

So the real reason to travel with your parents is simple: Time is running out, and at some point, they will be gone, and you will wish they were back. You will wish you took that trip with them and introduced them to new things like square plates. You will wish you knew more about them. You will wish you had said more to them and were nicer to them. So here’s your chance now. Seize it if you can.

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