Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant: Tales From the Mile High Club
(Illustration: Ryan McCullah)
Last week we detailed the five types of drunks on an airlplane and the week before went over the craziest things parents do on planes. Attention, passengers: This is Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant, a Yahoo Travel series in which “Betty” describes the harrowing, real-life situations she and her comrades in the sky face every day, 35,000 feet away from a foot massage and premium whiskey. You think you’ve got it bad when your in-flight entertainment conks out, the Pixy Stix-addicted kid behind you mistakes the back of your chair for a vertical trampoline, and the plane runs out of “Good Morning Sunshine” cheese boxes? That’s child’s play.
Let’s set the record straight: Flight attendants are not floozies (well, maybe a few are). Somewhere along the line people got the idea that we have boyfriends in every city or that there is a lot of hanky-panky going on with the pilots. If I had a man in every port and was fooling around with a bunch of pilots, I’d be exhausted!
But that doesn’t mean that life at 30,000 feet in the air isn’t without its own set of questionably sexual moments — between the crew and the passengers.
Flirting with disaster
I was flying to Hawaii and working in the middle galley restocking beverage carts when a woman tapped me on the shoulder. I was in the process of lifting heavy drawers, so I said, “I’ll be with you in one moment.” She poked me harder, so I figured it was something important and set down the drawer and turned around to see her wide-open eyes as she pointed to the first-class galley and exclaimed, “There are two flight attendants having sex in the first-class galley!”
This was a first.
Dubious, I replied, “I’m sure that’s not true.” But she was insistent. So I walked up front and was surprised to see the galley curtain totally shut. Could it be? The male and female flight attendants were both single. I hesitated for a second but then knocked on the wall and slowly opened the curtain.
The female flight attendant was sitting on a carrier (the metal boxes that contain glasses and such), and the male flight attendant was giving her a back massage with a water bottle. I told them that a passenger told me they were having sex in the galley, and they looked about as stunned as the excited passenger had been. So the male flight attendant calmly walked to the concerned passenger and said, “We weren’t having sex in the galley. … We save that for the layover.” He was joking — but she walked away looking appalled.