The 14 People You Don't Want to Sit Next to on a Plane
Let me begin by promising you that I am not an angry person. I would actually vow that I am inherently happy and all-around quite friendly and nice. But one thing that really grinds my gears, is being seated next to a nightmare neighbor on an airplane.
It’s not always easy to spot this impending tornado headed your way. Sure, the wailing baby or pushy storage-bin guy will spark you to mumble to yourself, “Please don’t be in seat 16A, please don’t be in seat 16A.” But what about the businessman with kind eyes, the lady who looks like grandma or the attractive twenty-something? These disasters can come in all shapes and sizes and often times, they don’t touch down until you take off.
So the next time I hop a red-eye from LAX to JFK ready for my cross-country nap, here are the 14 people that I pray won’t be seated next to me.
The Nighttime Cuddler
Here is a question you never want to hear while on a plane: “Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?” Airplane seats are uncomfortable, restricting and not equipped to be shared, so watch out when your unconscious neighbor slowly tilts his or her head in your direction. Depending on how deep the dreamer, you could be in for a game of seesaw as you attempt to politely prop up your sleeping beauty. When all else fails, place an airplane blanket or neck pillow between the two of you because, well, it’s better than sharing your shoulder.
The Guy Watching Porn on His Phone
Think: What would Jack Bauer do? This man may not be a threat to homeland security, but he is certainly terrorizing your rights and his dignity. Committing lewd, indecent or obscene acts in public aboard an aircraft will land this one in handcuffs, so you need to remove the threat. Do your duty and well, be a tattletale. If a person can’t last a flight without his precious porn, no one wants to imagine what he was doing in the bathroom—or even worse, under that over-sized laptop. Eek!
The ADD child
It’s not cute when a stranger’s little chatterbox is looking to make a friend on the plane… at 3 a.m. It might make you the Grinch from 10,000 feet above sea level, but throw on your snooze mask before the kid has a chance to make eye contact.
He’s not so innocent. (Photo: Thinkstock)