I Take an Annual Football Pilgrimage to Celebrate a Lost Friend
The seventh annual Celebration of Chris Ewell football weekend: Boston 2014 (the writer is second from the right). (All photos courtesy of Sean Kearns unless noted)
Travel is why I couldn’t see my friend before I lost him forever six years ago. Travel is also how I’ve been able to cope with that loss while celebrating his life ever since. I recommend it for anyone going through similar grief.
Two weeks ago, about a dozen friends and I traveled to Boston and cheered on the USC football team against Boston College — a game our beloved Trojans lost in lackadaisical fashion, with the hometown fans storming the field in celebration and mocking us as only Boston fans can.
And while we grumbled on the way home about the Trojans’ poor coaching and inability to defend the run, we also knew it didn’t matter, because we weren’t really in town for the game. We were there for Chris Ewell.
At left is Chris Ewell in 2005, three years before he passed away, during a New York reunion with Sean Kearns, middle, and the writer. Kearns would help found the annual football trip.
I met Chris 20 years ago in my freshman year at USC, when we were both sportswriters for the school newspaper, the Daily Trojan. That fact is unremarkable. What is remarkable is Chris — and the lasting impression he made on so many of us in college and beyond, when he went on to cover sports for the Baltimore Sun. From his encyclopedic sports knowledge to his Midwestern wit to his simply being the best gentleman I knew, he was one of a kind.
Chris was diagnosed with a second brain tumor in July 2007, and we knew it was a matter of time before we lost him. That time came in May 2008, when Chris died at the age of 33 — the same day I boarded a flight to Syria with my mom for a long-awaited family reunion. Because of that, I missed Chris’s funeral in his hometown of Topeka, Kan.
The inaugural Celebration of Chris Ewell game: 2008 in Los Angeles.
But the people who did go to Topeka started a tradition that has lived on to this day. Beginning that fall, there would be an annual weekend reunion centered around a USC football game to celebrate Chris, with the destination changing every year. The event was called the COCE: Celebration of Chris Ewell.
A game in Los Angeles was a natural choice for the first year — Chris’s brothers, Brian and Henri Ewell, got to experience the USC football traditions Chris knew and meet his friends. There was no turning back after that.
COCE 2009: In San Francisco for the game against Cal.
Not only has there been a COCE football game for seven straight years, but there have also been offshoots of it — three meetups in Chicago for the American Brain Tumor Association’s 5K run and a 2010 Daily Trojan reunion in Chris’s honor in L.A..
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All the events have been attended by more than a few people, sometimes going over a dozen — many of them have no connection to USC but came because of their connection to Chris, and we’ve made friends from around the country that we’d never have made otherwise.
COCE 2010: In Los Angeles for the game against UCLA.
No one will take credit for thinking of COCE, but what can’t be debated is that the catalysts for it are Brian and Henri Ewell, and my college friends Dave Childers and Sean Kearns. Inspired by Chris and our mutual passion for football, they created the best kind of group therapy we could have had. Traveling thousands of miles every year isn’t easy and we can’t all attend every year, but it’s a lot easier when it’s for Chris.
“I have no idea where the idea of the COCE came from, but it did come from a determination to always celebrate the life that Chris lived and not to dwell on the why or how it was so unfair that we lost him way too early from such a vicious disease,” said Kearns, who along with Childers has attended all seven football weekends.
COCE 2011: In South Bend, Ind., for the game against Notre Dame (never mind the green sweatshirt).
I’ve attended three COCE reunions, plus the Daily Trojan/Chris Ewell reunion. And Kearns is right: These are not sit-around-and-cry affairs. If you saw us in Boston the night before the game, you would have seen us having a massive Italian dinner that overflowed with food, wine, and laughter, then closing down an Irish pub, and making fun of one another every way we knew how.
You also would have seen us raising several glasses to Chris while indulging in our favorite COCE activity: repeating our favorite “Ewellisms.” A Kansas guy through and through, Chris was known for saying such colloquialisms as “Dollar to a doughnut,” “Truth be told,” and “When it comes down to brass tacks.” And his ultimate insult for a bad sports performance? “Weak sauce … like dropping Kool-Aid in the ocean.”
COCE 2012: In Los Angeles for the game against Arizona State.
I asked our group what tips they’d give to anyone else who had lost a loved one and might consider a similar trip. We all agreed on this: Whatever you choose, you should celebrate rather than brood, and it should bring people together around a common theme.
“I’d highly recommend anyone to take time out to group up with friends and family in an effort to celebrate a loved one’s life,” Brian Ewell said. “Not to conjure up sad times — every single one of us has gone through the grieving process and clearly recognizes how short life can be. The great thing about COCE is that we can plan around the USC football season, so it helps define the target as far as time frame and logistics. The key is being specific, whether it be a concert, ballgame, or special date related to the loved one.”
COCE 2013: In South Bend, Ind., for the game against Notre Dame.
Thanks to the Boston trip, I also learned what a helpful role a hotel can play in the get-together. This was my first time staying at a Kimpton hotel, and we were impressed by the attention to detail the Onyx paid toward helping us celebrate that weekend.
Most of us were stunned when we checked into our hotel rooms and found this welcome gift waiting for us: a COCE printout marking the date of the game, balloons in USC cardinal and gold, and even Gatorade bottles resembling our school colors in an ice bucket with bottles of local beer. The best part was the Big Red chewing gum they left — a reference to Chris’s nickname (he was tall with red hair).
Part of the welcome gift waiting for us at our hotel (Photo: Greg Keraghosian)
We later learned that the Onyx had, unprompted, contacted a member of our group, USC alum Deena Ferado Fitzgerald, asking how to make the trip a special one for us. She responded that she was celebrating not just COCE, but also her 10th wedding anniversary (her husband is a die-hard Notre Dame fan, but we love him anyway).
With that information and with no specific requests from us, the Onyx went the distance, including USC-inspired doggie treats for their puppy, Layla. And as you can see, Layla was as ready for the weekend as anyone. (We’ve noted before that Kimpton hotels are known for being pet-friendly).
Layla wearing the right colors (Photo: Deena Ferado Fitzgerald)
For all the partying, game watching, and ball busting on these trips, there’s still a sadness under the surface — we know the pain is going to occasionally flare up like a bum knee. The day after we’d all returned home, Kearns sent us a text saying only, “#missingchrisewell.” We all know what that means. We can’t forget Chris, but these reunions have helped me find the joy in that. And we wouldn’t trade his memory for anything.
“I’m saddened that Chris wasn’t there for my wedding and won’t be there to meet my children, and I won’t get to experience similar milestones in his life,” Kearns later told me. “On COCE weekend, the memory of Chris is still alive. I think that Chris’s friends and family still want that memory. I do. We’ve all become friends, and I believe Chris would love to see us together.”
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WATCH: Boston College fans storm the field after the most recent COCE game
