What's That Stench? 10 Ways to Get Yourself Kicked Off a Plane
Is your flight to visit the family in Cleveland a little too boring? Want to irritate the rest of the people on the plane, cause a ruckus, possibly get arrested, and have the smartphone video footage go viral rather than munching on some pretzels and watching a bad movie while lounging under a disposable blanket until you get to your destination?
We’ve got you covered.
Here are 10 ways to get kicked off your next flight.
Stinking up the cabin? (Photo: Thinkstock)
1. Upset everyone with your pungency.
Just this week, a man set to fly from Paris to Dallas was reportedly booted from an American Airlines flight because he smelled bad. The 27-year-old passenger claims a flight attendant told him the crew and other customers were complaining. According to Agence France-Presse, the attendant told him to “take a shower” and said, “The captain has the right to refuse you. You will not be flying today.” The police were called and they escorted him off the plane. The passenger reportedly said, “I covered myself with Dior perfume at the duty-free shop.” It’s unclear whether it was the perfume that was offensive or whether it was meant to cover some other unpleasant odor.
The Knee Defender is actually banned from several airlines. (Photo: Knee Defender)
2. Use a really obnoxious device that prevents others from reclining in their seats.
Also this week, two passengers caused a United Airlines flight from Newark to Denver to be diverted to Chicago after a male customer put a Knee Defender device on his tray table, which prevented the female passenger in front of him from reclining. OK, so technically they were removed from the plane for the fight that ensued (he ignored an attendant’s request to take the banned device off, and then the female passenger threw water at him). But being that much of a tool to use such an annoying device is certainly a good start.
Is that contagious? (Photo: Thinkstock)
3. Look sick — especially when everyone’s freaking out about Ebola.
We’re not talking a trip to or from West Africa here. This was a 72-year-old lady on a Delta flight from Akron to Orlando. Another passenger reportedly complained that Suzanne Hayes looked pale, tired, and drowsy and feared she might be contagious. She was asked to disembark or the police would be called. Delta gave her a $20 voucher for tea and soup while she waited for another flight. Hayes says she is pale and has a neurological disorder, but was not sick. “[They were] acting like I had leprosy,” she added.
Yes, people have thrown prosthetics. (Photo: Thinkstock)
4. Throw your prosthetic leg at a flight attendant.
True, not everyone can do this one, but we’re fairly confident that throwing pretty much anything at the cabin crew will work. In this case, a drunk woman with a prosthetic leg started cursing and slapped a kid before resorting to hurling her prosthesis during a Thomson Airlines flight to Edinburgh, Scotland. (Side note: Slapping children is another good way to get yourself kicked off a plane.) Another passenger told the Edinburgh Evening News that the woman said she wanted cigarettes and “a parachute to jump off the plane.” The cabin crew handcuffed the woman, and the flight was diverted to Gatwick Airport in London, where she was promptly arrested.
How could such a cute bird cause so much trouble? (Photo: Thinkstock)
5. Tweet complaints about the airline right before you board.
On July 20, Duff Watson got into a verbal dispute with a Southwest Airlines gate agent about whether he could preboard the plane with kids for their flight to Denver. When he lost the argument, he called them out on Twitter: “Wow, rudest agent in Denver … not happy,” he tweeted, along with the gate agent’s first name and last initial. After Watson and his family boarded, he says he was asked to leave because the gate agent felt threatened by the tweet, and wasn’t allowed to reboard until he deleted it. #NotCool.
"Snakes On A Plane." Watch it. Love it.
6. Bring snakes on the plane (unless you’re Samuel L. Jackson — then it’s cool).
It’s a little extreme, but we think effective. In September 2013, a Mandarin rat snake was found on a Quantas plane set to depart from Sydney for Tokyo. Though no one brought the reptile onboard (sometimes these things just happen), it did cause the entire plane to be evacuated. So bringing one in your carry-on bag would probably work just as well — and possibly have the added bonus of landing you in jail.
At least they didn't have to watch “Twilight.” (Photo: Thinkstock)
7. Complain about the in-flight movie.
Last year, a couple flying from Baltimore to Denver on United Airlines were not happy with the chosen flick, “Alex Cross,” a PG-13 movie with some rather adult themes (think violence, drugs, and sex). It was playing on drop-down screens throughout the plane, and their kids (8 and 4 at the time) couldn’t avoid watching, so the parents asked the crew to turn it off. When they refused, the parents asked if the captain could do anything. Apparently he could do something, because an hour later the plane was diverted to Chicago where the family was asked to leave the plane. Maybe not exactly what they meant.
The bathroom is not for playing games. (Photo: Thinkstock)
8. Hide in the bathroom playing Words With Friends on your cell, even during takeoff.
You may remember this one. Actor Alec Baldwin was sitting on an American Airlines flight, playing the popular game on his cell phone while waiting for the plane to take off from LAX in December 2011. When he was asked to power down the device, he reportedly refused and hid in the bathroom with his phone. The plane returned to the gate and Baldwin was kicked off. Even with the FAA allowing expanded use of devices, this one will still work, because currently, you’re not supposed to use your phone during takeoff.
Upgrade! (Photo: Thinkstock)
9. Don’t let anyone get away with a free upgrade when you paid for yours.
After paying an extra $65 to sit in JetBlue’s “Even More Space” premium seating section on a flight from New York City to San Diego last year, a passenger became extremely upset that her neighbor got a free upgrade (the TV in his original, less expensive seat wasn’t working). Arguments with both the flight crew and the accused freeloader ensued. The plane was diverted to Denver, where the woman had a date with local law enforcement.
Some airlines can be so fatist. (Photo: Thinkstock)
10. Get really, really fat.
This one only works if you’re unable to buy two seats, like actor and director Kevin Smith. The captain on Smith’s Southwest Airlines flight from Oakland, California, to Burbank in 2010 deemed the portly star a safety risk and had him removed. Ironically, Kevin had originally purchased an extra seat for comfort, but when he flew earlier on standby, only one was available, reportedly with petite women seated on either side.
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