7 Travel Tips for Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse
You can run, but eventually, they’ll catch you. (Photo: Eneas De Troya/Flickr)
As part of a epidemiological experiment to model the outbreak of a fast-moving contagious disease, a team of four researchers at Cornell University created a statistical model showing what might happen if zombies descended upon the United States. Luckily for us, it reveals exactly where you should run and hide during a zombie apocalypse.
Far-fetched? Maybe, but preparing for an impending zombie apocalypse is the perfect excuse to quit your job and start exploring the far-flung corners of this big, beautiful country.
Related: A Handy Travel Survival Guide for the Impending Zombie Apocalypse
Knowing where to go is the key, and these seven travel tips will help you map the best places you should head to if you want to survive.
Big cities like New York will be the first to fall when the apocalypse arrives. (Photo: Nathan Siemers/Flickr)
1. Get out of the cities
Sorry, urbanites, but according to scientists, you hardly stand a chance in any of the cities. Given their high population density and tightly packed quarters, New York, Boston, or D.C. would fall in a matter of days — hours even. And you thought the high rent would be the death of you.
2. The suburbs aren’t safe, either
Leaving a city means really leaving, even the areas just outside of it. Take Bakersfield, roughly between Los Angeles and San Francisco. It’s not too crowded, so it might seem the ideal place to escape to. Think again. Scientists say that the city’s proximity to both major cities make it just as much of a breeding ground for zombies. Same for northeastern Pennsylvania, which, in the researchers’ calculations, is at greater risk than anywhere on the East Coast of being hit by zombies within a month of any outbreak, thanks to the sprawling metropolises nearby.
3. Avoid cars and trains
For those of you with your bags packed, ready to make a run for it when the apocalypse hits — well, you’re not going to make it. The team over at Cornell predicts that, “Transportation would likely break down in an outbreak,” leaving you stuck wherever you are. Once again, this one is really for the city peeps out there. Man, this whole apocalypse thing is really cramping your style, isn’t it? #zombieproblems
Related: Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant: Attack of the Ambien Zombies (Part One)
Find yourself a nice cabin where you can hide out in the woods of New Hampshire. Bonus point: It probably comes with an axe. (Photo: Scott Kemper/Alamy)
4. Head to Vermont and New Hampshire
If you’re really gunning to stay on the East Coast, then don’t wait to start exploring the beautiful, bright foliage that lights up Vermont or New Hampshire come fall. Hide out in some of the nooks and crannies in these two states, and you’ll be among the last to make it on the East Coast.
5. Set up shop in Nevada and Montana
Sure, you might be hanging your head in despair, thinking, “What on God’s green earth is there to do in Nevada and Montana?” Aside from some of the most spectacular scenery, these two states are also home to the best hideouts in the United States, if ever there is a zombie attack. Even four months after the start of an attack, the Cornell team said that the more remote areas of both places would still be zombie-free. That old saying, “If it’s free, it’s for me,” seems mildly appropriate here, albeit in a zombie takeover, of course.
Escape to the Northern Rockies, and spend your days skiing and building snow zombies (they’re much better than real zombies, trust us). (Photo: Steve Dunleavy/Flickr)
6. Get to higher ground
Snowbirds may be frowning at this one, but if you want to survive the apocalypse, then start making your way to the Rocky Mountains — the far reaches of the Northern Rockies, to be exact. You can escape all the zombie bites, but be prepared for the cold to be nipping at you, too.
7. Just leave the country altogether
We hear that Switzerland is the best place in the world to be an expat, so why not start plotting some international moves? You’d be as safe as ever heading out overseas. Why? Because zombies don’t fly airplanes — duh! If an outbreak happened here in the United States, you’d be watching the carnage unfold from the warmth and comfort of your Swiss chalet, perched on a picturesque mountainside — all while eating the finest cheeses and chocolates.
Related Link: The Zombies Are Coming: Bar-Hopping, Running, and Walking With the Living Dead
Regardless of what move you make, the study brought one incredibly maddening reality to the surface: You can run, you can hide, but eventually, “We are all doomed.”
There’s that, and then something else about zombies being totally made up.
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