30 Worst Decisions You Can Make on a Plane

Photo by Nemanja Glumac/Stocksy. Design by Erik Mace for Yahoo Travel.

You are about to squeeze into a long metal tube with other people for what sometimes feels like a lifetime. You will be shoulder to shoulder, knees to butt with strangers. It requires decorum. It requires thought. It requires that you make decisions based on the fact that every move you make affects someone. Every. Move. We are at each other’s mercy inside that giant flying toothpaste tube. Be kind. Here are the top 30 things not to do on a plane.

Attempt to board drunk

Maybe skip that last round with your friends. (Photo: Lauren Naefe/Stocksy)

The days when flight crews looked the other way regarding inebriated passengers have long passed. And don’t forget that your fellow passengers are all social media reporters. Best-case scenario is that you end up in someone’s Twitter feed drooling on your tray table. Worst-case scenario is that you stay behind to sleep it off curled on a cold, dirty airport floor.

Bring anything on board with garlic, onions, or fish

Taking stinky food on a plane is unconscionable. Not only will your seatmates be stuck smelling it while you eat, there are aftereffects to be considered.

Related: The 30 Worst Decisions You Can Make on a Cruise Ship

Have a hygiene failure

Flight time is the wrong time to try a new antiperspirant, rush to the airport without a shower, or skimp on laundry. The stinkiest travelers are usually the ones coming home from long tropical vacations. All the clothes they took with them are now soaked in sweat, rum, and sunscreen. The plane soon smells like coconut-scented sneaker inserts. Do us all a favor and at least and wear a fresh souvenir T-shirt home on the plane. Go against us and we may hashtag you #PassengerShaming.

Exceed the carryon limits

Don’t try to carry a bag onto the plane that you know is bigger than it should be. (Photo: Sean Locke/Stocksy)

We all know the limits. Most of us manage just fine within those limits. Join us and watch how much smoother the boarding process becomes. Hashtag for this one? #CarryonShame.

Bring a carryon that you cannot personally lift into the overhead bin

There is no amount of charm that makes this the right thing to do. Unless someone in your party can lift your carryon overhead, check it.

Put your coat in the overhead bin before everyone has boarded

Let’s be clear. You are certainly entitled to bring your coat along with you as you return to Minnesota from your cruise to the Bahamas. You are not entitled to take up valuable bin space with it until everyone with an actual piece of luggage has boarded the flight.

Assume the airline will feed you, entertain you, or make you comfortable at no charge

Flight attendant serving food. (Photo: Kumar Sriskandan/Alamy)

There’s a price on everything these days. You are on your own in the friendly skies, so plan accordingly and bring your own non-smelly stuff.

Self upgrade

“Look George, there’s nobody sitting in the exit rows. Let’s move up there.” I once saw a pilot tell a passenger it was okay to move up to the premium seats, but don’t expect that from a flight attendant. Cross that invisible barrier between regular economy and economy plus and you’ll get a stern talking to from the crew and glares from passengers on all sides — those who forked over the money to be there and those of us behind you still in the cheap seats.

Related: The 30 Worst Decisions You Can Make in a Hotel

Think you can charm your way into an upgrade

You know they send flight attendants to FBI-quality BS detection classes, right? You may think you’ve got what it takes to talk your way into an upgrade, but why risk the smack down?

Think you have any rights at 30,000 feet

Your goal is to get from point A to point B. The crew’s job is to get you there safely. Sit down. Shut up. And let them do their jobs. Your rights basically end at wheels up.

Blame anyone for anything after take off

Texting inflight. (Photo: BraunS/GettyImages)

See the previous bad decision. Don’t pick fights at 30,000 feet. Don’t send nasty tweets. Save any and all beefs for after the plane lands.

Sit next to someone with red eyes

Red eyes mean one of three things: alcohol, drama, or germs. You really don’t want any of those things spewed on you inflight. Even the most uncomfortable seat on the plane would be better.

Take Ambien for the first time

Or any other medication for that matter. It’s infinitely better to tough it out through a sleepless flight than to watch your Ambien alter ego dancing naked down the aisles next week on YouTube.

Forget to take any medicine you normally take

Medicine pack. (Photo: Alessio Bogani/Stocksy)

The reverse of course, is equally true. If your daily routine includes important meds, both you and your seatmates will have a better experience if you stay on track.

Choose a window or center seat if you know you will be up and down a lot

Don’t be a jack-in-the-box. The right thing to do is to weigh your options. Is it more important to you to look out the window or to stretch your legs five times during a flight?

Think exit rows are all about comfort

Plane interior during flight. (Photo: Mlenny Photography/GettyImages)

Either be prepared to look the flight attendant square in the eyes and answer verbally that you are able to open that door and save us all, or let someone who is more capable have the extra legroom.

Forget to count rows between you and the exit row

Airplane emergency exit door. (Photo: Adam Nixon/Stocksy)

If there is only one safety precaution you take on a plane, this should be it. Knowing that you could find that door even in pitch black is more comforting than a good stiff drink.

Skimp on hydration because you hate plane potties

Cup of water on tray table. (Photo: Cristian Lazzari/GettyImages)

On second thought, you go ahead and deal with jetlag and dehydration hangover. It makes the lines shorter for those of us who want to arrive refreshed.

Use the business class potty, because you think it will be cleaner

It probably is. And the line is shorter. It may even be bigger. It’s part of what those people paid extra for.

Related: The 30 Worst Decisions You Can Make in a Casino

Take your child to the business class potty

There had better be a really urgent reason if you are going to use your child to gain access to that forward privy.

Change a diaper on the tray table

You do realize that people put their food on that tray table, right? There are no perfect solutions to the diaper changing issue, especially on long flights. BabyCenter.com offers helpful advice.

Assume everyone on the plane wants to entertain your child

Others might not find your kid to be quite as charming as you do. (Photo: ColorBlind Images/Blend Images/Corbis)

They don’t. Playing peek-a-boo over the seatback is cute for about three minutes, not three hours. Bring enough entertainment for the whole trip.

Forget to teach your children about “airplane voice”

Airplane voice requires leaning in and speaking softly. But most importantly, it requires airplane listening. Make a quiet game of it and everyone will enjoy the flight more.

Forget to use your own “airplane voice”

Chatty children are easier to tolerate than a blow-hard who talks loud enough for half the plane to hear. Tip: if you are hard of hearing or have a naturally loud voice, don’t sit near the engines. The added noise level forces you and your seatmates to talk over the roar.

Think that your case of traveler’s tummy will improve inflight

Aircraft lavatory door (Photo: Tarek El Sombati/GettyImages)

To be blunt, things happen at 30,000 feet. Digestive things. Uncomfortable things. If you are already suffering from an uncomfortable digestive issue, know that it will worsen after takeoff. You should attempt to find a remedy before you board. Otherwise, prepare to enjoy your flight from the lavatory.

Leave your headphones on when the flight attendant is trying to talk to you

Woman listening to music on airplane. (Photo: Ben Pipe Photography/GettyImages)

It is not only disrespectful to the person whose job it is to save your life, but it makes you talk loud enough that half the plane knows what you want to drink.

Touch a flight attendant

In case you haven’t noticed, they have a bubble of personal space that should never be breached. It’s creepy and disrespectful.

Be an armrest hog

Keep your elbows to yourself and everybody stays happy.

Forget that someone is in front of you and behind you, trying to be comfortable

Look before you ratchet your seatback to its full recline, don’t slam the tray table, and don’t let your 7-year old kick the seat in front of him when he gets bored.

Think that your connecting flight is more important than everyone else’s is

It doesn’t matter how tight your connection is, there is probably someone on board with a tighter one. You don’t need to get off the plane any faster than anybody else does. Your impatience will not get the doors opened any quicker. Of course, the drunk with the overstuffed carryon that he cannot wrestle down from the overhead might slow you down a bit. Just lend him a hand and you can both move along. Airplane karma will catch up with you eventually.

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