Battery Chargers for the Zombie Apocalypse
The scary music … the heart thumping in your chest … the quickening breaths … the building tension. It’s not the zombie apocalypse. It’s your cellphone dying — out in the middle of nowhere, just when you need it the most! But fear not: There’s a whole new batch of gadgets that can charge your phone even when you’re far from a working outlet.
How well do they work? With a horde of brain-thirsty undead cold on my heels, I set out for the woods to test how technology might come to the rescue.
Playing with fire
The first new charger I tried is the FlameStower ($80). I put one end of this device directly into the open flame of my campfire (see video) and plugged the other end into my phone. FlameStower promises two minutes of talk time for every minute in the fire, and that seemed pretty accurate. But I wanted to see how much charge I could get. So I settled back to roast some marshmallows, have a ’smore or two … and when I checked back, the wood in my fire had shifted and scorched part of the device. FlameStower did add significant charge to my phone, but the design is a little sketchy: The legs that support the heating element are flimsy, and operating it safely and effectively requires attention.
Better is the BioLite Campstove ($130). This works on the same principle as the FlameStower — a thermoelectric generator converts heat from a fire into usable electricity — but BioLite’s design is superior: You put twigs into the small metal canister (no campfire needed). The canister contains the flames and even stokes them with an internal fan. As a bonus, you can even place a small pan on top of the BioLite to cook your dinner while you charge your phone. It took my battery from 28 percent to 39 percent in 40 minutes.
Solar chargers
In just the past year, solar phone chargers have gotten stronger, faster, and cheaper — and now there are hundreds of options on the market. To choose, you have to weigh price vs. wattage vs. weight, along with smaller considerations, like do you want multiple ports so you can charge more than one device at a time? Or: Do you want your portable solar panel to charge a battery or charge your phone directly? The battery adds flexibility, but it also adds weight and cost.
For my money, I’ll outrun the zombies with a lightweight Anker 8W Single-Port Foldable Solar Charger ($46). It’s about the size and weight of an iPad, and it charged my iPhone almost as fast as when it’s plugged into the wall. Plus, it has well-placed loops so you can hang it from your backpack while hiking — or outdistancing all manner of demonic foes.
Wind-powered chargers
Since the sun doesn’t always shine (and I generate a lot of wind while sprinting from the undead), I tried the K3 Wind Charger ($22). This came out a few years ago and is still one of the few micro wind turbines available. There’s probably a reason there aren’t more: At this scale, it just isn’t big enough to produce much juice, and the blade isn’t much sturdier than a pinwheel.
Human power
If all else fails, you can wind up your smartphone. Of the hand-crank options, I’d go with the Epica Emergency Charger ($32). It can charge from solar as well as a hand crank and contains an LED flashlight along with an AM/FM/NOAA Certified Weather Alert Radio. It may not charge your phone fully, but after a few minutes of cranking, you can get enough juice to make an emergency call.
I’m really looking forward to trying the Siva Cycle Atom ($99). The generator mounts to any standard bike frame and charges your phone while you ride. It won’t be available until November, so I couldn’t test it yet, but it’s definitely a smart idea. Mom, put it on my Christmas list?
And finally, speaking of moms, there’s the 4moms Origami Stroller. With generators in its rear wheels, you can save your baby and your phone battery from certain doom at the same time — but, then, the price might kill you: $850. Now that’s scary.
Of course, in a true zombie apocalypse, all the cell networks may be down as well. Unless we devise a system of zombie treadmills to power the networks — with brains as bait perpetually just out of reach. When that technology comes out, we’ll be sure to review it.
