The Republicans Made a Video Game Featuring an Elephant Named Giopi

Chris Morris
Updated
Screenshot from Mission Majority
Screenshot from Mission Majority

(National Republican Senatorial Committee)

Nintendo has Mario. Sony has Kratos. Microsoft has Master Chief. And now the Republican Party has its own video game icon: an elephant named Giopi.

Because, you know, G-O-P.

We’re not exactly sure whose idea it was to lure in potential voters with a Republican-themed game called Mission Majority, but B- for effort, gang.

Released by the National Republican Senatorial Committee, the game stars Giopi, an 8-bit elephant attempting to win back the Senate.

“There is going to be a lot of red tape and regulations in our way, but we need to overcome them in order to succeed,” he tells players at the start of the game, which, conveniently, has a link to a Republican support site and places where they can donate at the end of each level.

The real challenge, however, is deciding whether or not you want to give the GOP your contact info. You’ll have to give it access to your Google+ or Facebook account to get going, though it’ll also accept a name and email address (which will ensure that you’re on the party’s mailing list this fall).

Undecided? Here’s how it plays.

Giopi is searching for golden keys to “unlock” the Senate. Initially blocking your path are “job-destroying Taxers” — Goomba-like enemies sent by Harry Reid and President Obama determined to ruin your quest. To suppress them, you’ll have to get your Mario on and squash them with a jump. Take out a Taxer and you’ll hear a soundbite from Obama, Reid, and other prominent Democrats. Level 2 adds Mudslingers, who “hurl false and empty rhetoric.”

We’re not making this up.

Once you’ve completed the first two levels, the game congratulates you on finding enough keys to unlock a group of volunteers to make calls and knock on doors. Then it sends you on a quest to find more keys. Should you stick with the game through the final level, you’ll have to find six switches, each of which represents a state electing a Republican senator.

Regardless of your political affiliation, Mission Majority is predictably corny and, well, pretty terrible. Still, we suspect it will only be a matter of time before there’s a Democratic response to the game, no doubt starring a hero from Massachusetts named — what else — Don Key.

Follow Chris Morris on Twitter.