LOL? OMG! A Guide to Internet Shorthand
(Mashable, modified by Yahoo Tech)
Facebook’s research department released an interesting study this week that, among other observations, appears to indicate the imminent death of “LOL” – the venerable text-speak acronym that’s haunted mobile communications and the Internet for decades.
In the event you’ve been in a coma and/or orbit for the last 20 years, “LOL” stands for “laugh out loud” and has been traditionally used in online correspondence to indicate amusement or appreciation. It’s long been considered the alpha offender among hundreds of text-speak crimes gradually degrading the language. At least, that’s the feeling among us recovering English majors.
Anyhoo. By analyzing data on its social network, Facebook has determined that “LOL” has been largely replaced by “haha” and the frankly disturbing ideogram system known as emoji. In fact, in posts indicating laughter, “LOL” was present in only 1.9 percent of text sampled by Facebook.
In an attempt to stay ahead of things, we here at Yahoo Tech have fed the Facebook data into our resident artificial intelligence, Steve, who is housed in a series of underground bunkers and nutrient vats below Sunnyvale, California. Using awesomely complex linguistic algorithms, Steve has determined that several additional old-school text-speak acronyms are on their way out. In the spirit of consumer advocacy, we present this informal, largely improvised etiquette guide to evolving text-speak protocol.
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(Notey.com, modified by Yahoo Tech)
LOL: Clearly, LOL is in the twilight of its dubious career. It should be deployed only when corresponding with older persons – grandparents, baseball fans, people who can name the first three R.E.M. albums, etc. Use of LOL’s variants – such as LMAO and the nuclear option ROTFLMAO – should forthwith be used only with dismissive hipster irony.
OMG: Formerly used to indicate surprise or shock, OMG has also developed a rather nostalgic, sepia-toned connotation. These days, it’s the online equivalent of “Jeepers!” The acronym still has limited utility, however, when drawn out with ellipses to indicate intense, debilitating despair. (e.g. “Trump as president? O … M … G ….”)
(Washington Post, modified by Yahoo Tech)
WTF: In addition to being a genuinely terrific podcast, WTF stands what you think it stands for and is still a viable text-speak acronym. Feel free to use WTF and its variants (WhoTF? WhenTF?) when you wish to convey outrage or panicked disbelief. (e.g. “Trump is polling at 40 percent? WTFingF?”)
BRB: Originally used in online chat rooms, BRB stands for “Be Right Back” and indicates the user has temporarily stepped away from the keyboard. It’s still a useful acronym and can be safely deployed online, but be aware that context-specific iterations will likely continue to evolve. (e.g. BRBTWNBVREA: “Be right back, Trump was nominated, browsing Vancouver real estate ads.”)
(Telegraph, modified by Yahoo Tech)
IMHO: This dusty old acronym – which stands for “In My Humble Opinion” – is the only text-speak specimen which Steve recommends should be retired entirely and immediately. The tone of contemporary online discourse clearly reveals that everyone has an opinion, none of them are humble, and IMHO has collapsed into utter meaninglessness.
Interestingly, there’s a Trump connection here, too. When we tried to get Steve to compute “Donald Trump” and “humble opinion,” the entire A.I. network crashed, exploding several nutrient vats and causing an 18-hour blackout in northern California. Sorry about that.
In any case, repairs have just been completed. Next up, we’re getting Steve to tackle emoticons and the curious phenomenon of “emoticobligation” – that depressing moment when you reluctantly add a smiley face to a message, even though you really don’t want to.
:)
Glenn McDonald writes about the intersections of technology and culture at glenn-mcdonald.com or via Twitter @glennmcdonald1.
