Goats Are the Best Animals on the Internet
Many on the Internet like to debate which animal is the best: the dog or the cat.
But did you know that the best animal is actually the goat?
Here is proof:
1. LOOK AT THESE GOATS DOING PARKOUR.
2. WATCH THIS BABY GOAT LEARN TO WALK AGAIN AND TRY NOT TO CRY AT YOUR DESK.
3. REMEMBER GOTYE AND “SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW”? THIS IS GOATYE AND THE SONG IS STILL TERRIBLE BUT NOW IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE IT HAS GOATS.
4. GOATS CAN MAKE EVEN TAYLOR SWIFT TOLERABLE.
5. OLD AND BUSTED: OPRAH.
NEW HOTNESS: GOATPRAH.
6. PORTLAND LOVES GOATS SO MUCH AND WE ALL KNOW THAT PORTLAND IS A COOLER CITY THAN WHATEVER BACKWATER SHANTYTOWN YOU CALL HOME SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD START LOVING GOATS TOO.
7. REMEMBER THAT STUPID POTATO SALAD KICKSTARTER THAT RAISED LIKE 8 MILLION DOLLARS? THIS AUSTRALIAN GUY JUST WANTS $350 TO PUT A GOAT IN HIS BACKYARD. THE LEAST WE CAN DO TO MAKE UP FOR THE WHOLE POTATO SALAD KICKSTARTER THING IS GETTING THIS MUSTACHIOED AUSSIE A GOAT.
8. GOAT WEARING A GOPRO. IT’S A GOATPRO. THE WORD “GOAT” IS VERY EASY TO USE IN PUNS. THE WORD “DOG” RHYMES WITH LIKE FOUR THINGS, IT’S AWFUL.
9. HAVE YOU PLAYED “GOAT SIMULATOR”? IT’S A GAME THAT LETS YOU SIMULATE BEING A GOAT. TRUST ME, MOST GOATS ARE LIVING A BETTER LIFE THAN YOU SO THIS WILL BE A REAL TREAT.
10. ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR APPS IN THE APP STORE LAST WEEK WAS LET IT GOAT, A GAME STARRING GOATS. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME AN APP STARRING CATS WAS NUMBER ONE? NO, THE BUZZFEED APP DOESN’T COUNT.
11. DID YOU KNOW THAT IN SAN FRANCISCO YOU CAN RENT GOATS TO GRAZE AND EAT THE WEEDS IN YOUR GARDEN? THIS IS GREAT BECAUSE NO STUPID UNSUSTAINABLE BUSINESS IDEAS HAVE EVER EMERGED FROM SAN FRANCISCO.
12. ON THE INTERNET, “GOAT” IS AN ACRONYM THAT STANDS FOR “GREATEST OF ALL TIME.” ERGO, GOATS ARE THE GREATEST ANIMAL OF ALL TIME. Q.E.D.
DOGS, CATS: I WILL SEE YOU IN HELL.
