The craze for clickbait — tempting, often untrue headlines that rack up page views through trickery and sleaziness — shows no sign of subsiding.
But as long as those tacky websites are going to litter the Internet with exaggerated or outright deceptive headlines, I’m going to keep ruining their punchlines. I’m going to keep offering these clickbait spoilers. (You won’t want to miss our previous takedowns. See installments 1, 2, and 3.)
Here’s Episode 4 of Pogue’s Clickbait Spoilers:
Spoiler: Idling their engines.
Spoiler: Putting flowers in your beard.
Spoiler: They’re more tolerant of “stigmatized groups like immigrants, homosexuals or refugees.”
Spoiler: The pictures show what appear to be acts of kindness by strangers — for example, a woman buys a meal for a homeless man. None of the photos are credited, sourced, or linked; many are not believable; and the “one thing” never does become clear.
Spoiler: Local news story about a 3-year-old boy who spends time with his 89-year-old next-door neighbor every day. But both are about to move away, so it’s sad.
Spoiler: Cut straight slices (not wedges) to avoid exposing surfaces to the drying air. It takes the guy 2 minutes, 43 seconds to get to the point.
Spoiler: It’s a huge ship, the MV Blue Marlin, which is big enough to carry other ships (for repair or transport). The photo is of it carrying the USS Cole, which was damaged in a terrorist attack in 2000.
Clickbait: The Best Quote I’ve Ever Heard. (Ever.)
Spoiler: Alan Watts saying, “If I ask you what you did, saw, heard, smelled, touched and tasted yesterday, I am likely to get nothing more than the thin, sketchy outline of the few things that you noticed…But suppose you could answer, ‘It would take me forever to tell you, and I am much too interested in what’s happening now.’ ”
I’ve heard better quotes.
Spoiler: A Finnish artist glues pencils together and then mills them into vases.
Spoiler: In this almost certainly phony story, a restaurant compared modern security footage with footage from 10 years ago. Nowadays, people eat up the restaurant’s time fussing with their phones. (“26 out of 45 customers take an average of 3 minutes taking pictures of the food”? Sorry, no.)
Spoiler: It’s “What problem are you trying to solve?”
Spoiler: Stop confusing the words “podium” (a raised platform that you stand on) and “lectern” (a reading stand that you stand behind).
You can email David Pogue here.