All Of The Amazeballs Tech Words You'll Need To Communicate With Your Kids This Year
Admit it: You don’t want to feel old. You want to be the “cool” parent who knows his apps from his elbow. You want to be able to talk to your kids during holiday gatherings without watching them collapse into laughter every time you mention “The Twitter.”
But, really, who can keep up with all the new terminology?
No one really knows why there is such an abrupt change from being a baby’s Mighty and All-Knowing Center of the Universe to the person who can’t update their operating system without the aid of a nearby 13 year old. But once your kid is old enough to access the App Store, all that is left for you is an unrelenting march toward irrelevancy and gumming applesauce at the end of the dining room table while people shout in your “good” ear.
Not to worry: I’m here for you. Today, I’m going to hit you up with a glossary of some newish terms that you might hear bandied about by the young people in your midst, so that you, too, can humblebrag about your amazeballs online adventures.
So, let’s take a look at a few of the words you might hear or see your tweens and teens using, in between grunts for food:
Amazeballs: adjective. Like, totally amazing. Incredible. Describes anything that is amazing, using the word amazing, plus the word balls for some reason. A truly amazeballs neologism.
Ask.fm: noun. Newsflash: Your kids no longer post on Facebook, because you’re there, embarrassing the hell out of them. Ask.fm is the new hotness, and is an excellent place to live out “Lord of the Flies” without the prying eyes of adults. Your frenemies and maladjusted total strangers can anonymously ask you anything they want about yourself on this website and, as a teenager who just wants approval from his peers, you feel compelled to answer. Common questions include “Why are u so disgustingly fat/thin/short/tall/ugly???1!”, “Why don’t u just die?” and “Show me ur [redacteds]! I bet your [redacteds] are [redacted]!!1!” Yes, it makes my skin crawl, too.
Autocorrect: noun. verb. Your fifth grade teacher on your phone and computer. Corrects your spelling and grammar based on prior words used and a pre-installed dictionary. Can be programmed on the iPhone to play pranks; my phone likes to correct the word “sweetie” to “poop” when I text my kids. I suspect my 14 year old son set that one up.
Binge-Watch: verb. Holing up to watch an entire television series all in one sitting. There are tiers: advanced binge-watching involves not stopping to change your clothes for days at a time and only seeking sustenance from the junk food packed minifridge you installed next to the couch that now boasts a permanent butt divot.
Bitcoin: noun. An online currency that is hard to find and harder to spend in that very few retailers accept it. Also, the value changes constantly, so no one knows how much anything should cost. If they accepted it.