A Horror Story Constructed Entirely from Actual Sentences in Reviews of the Apple Watch


Apple Watch photo: The Associated Press

I was in New York last week, and stopped to have coffee with a friend in the afternoon. I was sitting on a low bench, leaning forward, elbows on my knees. I felt a rippling buzz and a metallic ping; my recollection from September was that it had more of an oily feel, more lubricity. I stop talking, tilt my head.

Sometimes a subtle twist of your wrist will do, but sometimes it takes … more.

I’ve been wearing the Apple Watch for more than a week now. It’s a solitary experience. Has it changed my behavior? It’s too early to tell yet, but it might. The difference is whether or not you’re willing to think about what really matters vs. what seems to matter. The Watch is a status symbol, a sign of wealth and taste: I sought a simpler experience.

Once you do it a few times, you get the hang of it.

These mornings have been full of self-reflection. We like to look our best.. Righty or lefty, whatever wrist you choose or orientation you desire, Apple Watch has you covered: There are so many things the watch can do.  I’ve worn it on my wrist every day, doing everything possible that I could think of.

It takes some time getting used to, but once it clicks, this is a power you can’t live without.

The Watch became something like a natural extension of my body — a direct link, in a way that I’ve never felt before, from the digital world to my brain. It is designed to participate in nearly every moment of your day. It knows when you’re wearing it. It tracks your steps throughout the day.  It watches when you move, exercise and stand.

You can talk to it. You can poke it — and it can poke back.

You end up in a lot of situations where you not only have to take action, you have to decide where to take action. When the Apple Watch taps me, it feels like it’s telling me, Hey, when you get the chance, I’ve got something for you.

The watch wants and needs you now.

Every so often, the Apple Watch thinks about your heartbeat. Most people aren’t even sure they need one. Do I really need another connected screen blinking, beeping and buzzing all day?  Once you’ve gotten your first heartbeat, the novelty wears off pretty quickly.

After a couple days with Apple Watch, all of this starts to make sense: Apple Watch is not a cure-all. What’s valuable is your time.

I was off on my own, desperately hoping no one noticed the furious glances.  In these early sketches of an experience, I can already imagine so much more: It has to be warmer, cozier; it has to invite you to touch it and take it with you all the time.  When you pull out that device, you don’t just look at one thing — you start looking at everything.

I have no idea if this will have any lasting impact on my health. Please do not die this way. Please do not die this way. Please do not die this way.