This year's $250,000 Oscars swag bag includes fancy toilet paper and a sex toy
The 2016 Oscars swag bag is here — and my God is it magnificent.
See also: Kim Kardashian releases her super sexual Valentine's Day gift guide
Image: David Bro via ZUMA Wire/CORBIS
LA-based Distinctive Assets put the swag bag together this year in order to thank "people who are donating their time free of charge to the high-profile event," according to the company's website.
The contents include plenty of products we never knew we wanted or needed. Thank you, indeed.
We now present to you the Oscars gift bag for the 2016 awards...
Image: Kevin Winter / Getty Images
A 10-day, first-class trip to Israel: $55,000
A year’s worth of unlimited Audi car rentals from Silvercar: $45,000
A lifetime supply of skin creams from Lizora: $31,200
Halo Purely for Pets donation of pet food to an animal shelter: $6,300
A 15-day walking tour of Japan: $45,000
Hydroxycut weight-loss Gummies: $19.98
Dandi antiperspirant patch: $21
Three private training sessions with Jay Cardiello, a “celebrity wellness expert” and star of ABC’s My Diet Is Better Than Yours: $1,400
Personal fitness sessions with celebrity trainer Alexi Seletzky: $900
A Fit Club TV “Ultimate Fitness Package” in a private villa: $6,250
Sundial Power Coating: $500
Belldini clothing: $300+
A Steamist Total At Home Spa: $5,060
Unspecified gift from the Grand Hotel Excelsior Vittoria, Sorrento: $5,000
Unspecified gift from the Grand Hotel Tremezzo, Lake Como: $5,000
Unspecified gift from the Golden Door Spa, California: $4,800
Ultherapy, a laser skin-tightening procedure: $5,530
Tribute: $125
Delovery personalized gift baskets: $2,000
A "Vampire Breast Lift", which uses blood to enhance the appearance of a woman's breasts: $1,900
Products from the Healing Saint by Dr Jane 360 range: $193
Lat & Lo jewelry: $150
Caolion skin care: $134
Slimware: $29.95
Personalized M&Ms: $300
A Rouge Maple selection box including Maple Syrup, salad dressing, mustard: $99
Zekkle Edge: $125
Sedona Lace makeup brushes: $109.95
Nuelle Fiera Arouser For Her: $250
A Haze Dual V3 Vaporizer: $249.99
El Silencio mezcal: $75
Mission1 Clean Protein Bar: $5.64/box
Phantom Glass screen protector: $49.95-$59.95
Memobottle plastic water bottles: $47
Greenhill Winery & Vineyards: $39
Chocolatines treats: $35
Farm Wife Style handmade jewelry: $25
Purely Inspired Organic Protein: $19.97
Gleener on the Go portable lint brush: $11.99
Signature Vodka: $70
And finally, the best toilet paper money can buy. Which is ironic, because money can also be used as toilet paper.
Joseph's Toiletries "The Welcomer", including six packs of the "most soothing and absorbent tissue paper in the world" $275
Now, how about taking some of those swag bag funds and using them to pay off my student loans?
[h/t The Telegraph]
