Women Want the Word ‘Obey’ Dropped From Wedding Vows

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Women will obey whomsoever they please — if they choose to obey anyone at all — and if that happens to be their husband, so be it. But they aren’t making any promises, which is why many women would like the word “obey” to be dropped from traditional wedding vows, according to the results of a new survey conducted by YouGov.

Respondents are referring to the part of the Christian marriage service where the woman promises “to love, cherish, and obey.” FYI, the man promises to “love, cherish, and worship.” Talk about dated.

A thousand U.S. citizens over the age of 18 answered questions about wedding traditions, and according to YouGov, 49 percent of the participants want the promise of obedience to be dropped, while 33 percent feel it should be preserved, and 17 percent are not sure. Not surprisingly, 61 percent of female participants would like it to be removed, while only 24 percent want it preserved (15 percent are unsure).

“The marriage vows have evolved from man and wife to husband and wife. That’s a reflection of an evolution in the roles of marriage,” says Jane Greer, a New York-based marriage and sex therapist and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.

“‘Obey’ denotes meeting the demands and expectations of the other person in a more subservient way. Women are no longer simply the caretakers or servants to the men in their marriages: It’s now much more about mutuality, where both partners offer support in finances, caregiving, etc.,” Dr. Greer said.

She added that the high percentage of men wanting to keep the word “obey” (43 percent, as opposed to 37 percent who want it removed) is understandable, given that it props them up and gives them a position of power, control, and authority in the relationship. “Therefore, their reluctance to relinquish that is tied into not wanting to give all of that up.”

However, couples would benefit from dropping the obedience nonsense. “If the word was dropped, couples would probably go into the relationship with more realistic expectations of their roles in the marriage. They would begin thinking about how they can be supportive [of] each other in a balanced way.”

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