Body parts flying in various directions, the sweat — both yours and someone else’s — the coordination and concentration to remain in a perfect rhythm and the aftermath of it all.
Let’s be brutally honest today and every day. Sex isn’t always sexy.
When Googling the topic of queefing, a word that is still autocorrected no matter how many times I type it, are articles that read, “Four Ways to Stop Queefing” or “What Men Really Think About Queefing.”
As I roll my eyes and let out a small sigh, I click on one of these links. I am led to an article that lists several techniques that are intended to prevent the so-called mortifying queef. The article creates a guideline for a sexual life that eliminates the queef, and also any spontaneity or excitement that can be found with your partner, ever.
“Have sex slowly,” or “Avoid pumping,” and “Stick to positions where you aren’t bent over,” are horrifying to me as a sex writer and as a sexual human being. A natural response that happens during intercourse is most definitely not getting in the way of my orgasm, and there is no way that any of this advice will help subside the unavoidable response of a queef.
Let’s back up a little bit and get down to the root of what a queef actually is. Urban Dictionary cites it as “an expulsion of wind from the vulva during coitus; a vaginal fart,” which, for your information, is unbelievably dramatic. Flatulence occurs when gas leaves your digestive track. Queefing, on the other hand, occurs when air escapes your vagina. Vagina’s are not tubes; they are made up of wrinkles and folds. When air is trapped inside of a vagina, a queef is the result when it is released. Not so bad, eh?
Dr. Vanessa Cullins from Planned Parenthood says, “They’re especially common during sex because fingers, penises or sex toys can easily push air up there.” She explains, “Your vagina also expands when you’re turned on, which makes more room for air.”
The idea that avoiding certain positions or going faster or slower will prevent a queef is completely untrue. This isn’t to say that everyone experiences queefs. They aren’t limited to sexual activity either. Some people may never experience the release of air from their vagina, while others can experience it with just a slight movement in their everyday routine or while exercising (e.g., yoga). Another important point is that you can’t hold in a queef like you are able to when releasing gas. A queef just happens; it’s never planned.
Now, I get it. A sound coming out of any orifice isn’t always the most appealing way to have a mid-coital session. But is any part of sex truly, undeniably sexy? With every movement comes the chance of a mishap, a fluid and an onslaught of sweat. Let’s practice self-love and sex-positivity instead of creating a fear or sense of embarrassment. To begin, we have to create a discourse around what queefing is in the bedroom. The only way to learn is to know.
Still not convinced? Here are a few tips that don’t involve queefing prevention or surrendering an enjoyable sex life.
Talk to your partner
Demystify the queef! Plus, talking about sex is important and educating one another can be sexy in its own right. If it’s happening quite often and it’s disrupting your rhythm, communication is the only valid and positive solution.
When you’re in the moment, you don’t have time to use words. Just keep doing your thing and by the end of it all, the queef will be a barely visible blip on your radar. And remember, every time we are ashamed of little bodily mishaps, the patriarchy wins.
Laugh it off
Think of it this way: a queef could bring you and your partner closer together. Laughing during sex can be an incredibly intimate moment. Stay lighthearted to avoid any embarrassment or awkwardness and remember that it’s all natural!
At the end of the day, your partner probably isn’t really that wrapped up in the fact that you queefed during sex. It’s a natural moment and natural responses are bound to happen.
If you can’t handle me at my queef, you don’t deserve me at my O-face.
Originally published on HelloFlo.