Why I Blew My Whole Vacation Wad in the First Few Months of the Year in South Africa
The Twelve Apostles in Cape Town. (Photo: Mike Cilliers)
By Deb Amlen
If you’re going to get bitten by a penguin, it might as well be on a sunny South African beach while you’re running away from one of the most brutal U.S. winters in recent years. Even a falling out with an irritable, flightless bird is better than being hit with so many snow storms that meteorologists stopped using the word “snow” altogether and just started calling them “weather events.”
I was hesitant to “blow my entire vacation wad,” so to speak, by the second month of the year, but that is exactly what I did, and I don’t regret it for one minute. I shot the whole two weeks on a magnificent trip to Cape Town because I needed sun, because I needed palm trees, because I couldn’t face any more snow. Because you can wander the Western Cape for two weeks, and still not see the entire place unless you make a habit of mainlining espresso. Why not blow my vacation time on the best, most exotic trip ever? Go big or staycation, I like to say.
Fun Fact: Everything in Cape Town is uphill. Both ways. Wear comfortable shoes.
Penguins getting to know one another at Boulder Beach in Simon’s Town. (Photo: Paul Mannix)
Our first stop was at Boulder Beach in Simon’s Town, where I was relieved to be clad only in a T-shirt, shorts, and sandals after what seemed like a year of wearing every winter coat I owned all at once. What better to take this animal lover’s mind off the snow than the mind-bending experience of a tropical beach with real, live penguins?
Boulder Beach really looks more like a lunar landscape than a beach. Named for the huge granite boulders that trap the warm currents of the Atlantic Ocean inside False Bay, it’s small enough that you can simultaneously keep an eye on your kids as you bask in the sun and quaff that cold bottle of Appletiser, the ubiquitous soft drink of South Africa.
The real attraction here is the free-ranging colony of “jackass” penguins that call this their home. They’re living magnets for children, and New Yorkers like me who can’t help following them around, saying “Whoa! Penguins!”
Don’t let them venture too close to you. The penguins waddle and swim happily around you if you give them the requisite amount of breathing room. They nip when they feel threatened—trust me, I know.
Fun Fact: The best way to get over a penguin laceration is to go drinking.
Fortunately, there is no shortage of wine in the Cape. In the interests of helping me recover my post-penguin dignity, we decided to spend the next day in Stellenbosch. A 40-minute drive on the N1 from Cape Town, Stellenbosch is packed with wineries that are only too happy to offer you a taste of their humble nectars of the gods. You can sometimes find some delectable goat cheeses to nibble on while you sample wine.
Around every turn, someone is making music or dancing to it in the African sun. The cultural vibe in Cape Town gets under your skin. I’ve been in cities that are not beautiful but feature the best of the local arts scene, and I’ve been in places that are beautiful but bereft of a single movie theater or dance troupe. Cape Town bustles with the creative energy of scores of dance troupes, theaters, concert venues, and nightclubs, managing to be beautiful in a way that feeds your soul.
Horn player giving it his all at Mama Africa. (Courtesy: Mama Africa)
Did I mention that the nightlife in Cape Town rocks? Long Street is where the party is. We happened to be there during Gay Pride Week, and the whole street was jumping with music and revelers. If you want to dance the night away or just lean over the balcony with a cocktail in hand and people-watch, hit up Zula Sound Bar and Café. If you’re looking for something a little quieter but equally adventurous, listen to African music at Mama Africa while you try the kudu biltong—which any South African worth his or her salt will tell you is not jerky—and springbok boerewors, a traditional sausage.
Wander the Malaysian Bo Kaap area, where the homes are color explosions on the retinas and you can nibble your way through the neighborhood, feasting on the traditional curries and samosas. Or treat your taste buds to the fused Dutch and Malay cuisine at Bo Kaap Kombuie by lunching on bobotie, a spicy South African version of moussaka.
Are you a shopper? Head over to the Victoria & Albert Waterfront, where you can buy everything from high-end fashion at Alfred Dunhill or Hugo Boss to African mementos at African Curiosity. When you’ve shopped until you’re ready to drop, restore yourself at Karibu restaurant with some snoek pâté, and a full-bodied pinotage, a delicious grape blend that the South Africans tend to keep to themselves.
The entire trip was unforgettable and it was over way too soon. Here I sit, vacationless for the rest of the year and hugging my stuffed elephant from Aquila Animal Reserve. And yet I’m oddly fine with that. When I close my eyes at night, the sights and sounds come back to me, and I dream of Africa.
It will be more than enough to see me through the next 351 days. Not that I’m counting.
Deb Amlen writes the Buzzology humor column for Yahoo Tech and the “Wordplay” crossword puzzle blog for The New York Times. Her book “It’s Not P.M.S., It’s You” is available where all questionable literature is sold.
