The Ups and Downs of Planning a Wedding, in 9 Distinct Stages
By Kim Fusaro
Illustration by Eugenia Loli
You’re engaged! That’s great news! Now, for the not-so-great news: It’s not all rainbows and butterflies from here to your wedding day. That post-engagement high has a shelf life. To ease you through the months that lie ahead, here’s my breakdown of the feels you’ll feel—pretty much all of ’em—from now to when you’re standing at the top of the aisle.
1. ELATION
Oh. Em. Gee! Your grin is grinning and your finger’s blinging and 78 percent of what you say is coming out in squeaks. You might try to regroup and maintain some level of cool—you knew the proposal was coming, after all—but then someone will pour you another glass of champagne, and you’ll be giddy all over again.
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2. EDGINESS
While you’re still knee-deep in ELATION, that questions start coming: When are you thinking? Where are you thinking? What are you wearing? OMG, am I a bridesmaid? Here’s the secret to moving through this stage quickly: Smile and say, “We’re just going to enjoy being engaged for a while. We’ll start planning in the summer.”
3. DELUSION
OK, you’ve wrapped your head around this “engagement” thing and you’re ready to maybe start thinking about the big day. You know, in theory. You’re not going to make a huge deal, after all. Bridezilla? More like bride-chilla. You’ll get a dress and some food, says some vows, and be done with it. You’re certainly not going to freak out or be one of THOSE brides.
4. CONFUSION
Wait, a wedding dress costs how much?! And WHAT are they charging for food? On what planet? Are these flower prices in U.S. dollars or yen? How is there a whole industry built around these criminally high price points? Pre-engagement you probably scoffed at the average cost of a wedding—around $30,000—but now it’s starting make sense.
5. ANNOYANCE
You finally start to get into your planning groove. You’ve researched not-too-expensive wedding dresses and chic-on-the-cheap invitations. You can talk about your wedding without breaking into hives—until your future mother-in-law asks why you’re not having a “proper” soup course and someone in the grocery store line scoffs at the idea of DIY centerpieces. Rather than argue with unwanted opinions, break out the smile, and say, “Thanks for that information. We’ll totally take that into consideration.”
Related: 27 Cringeworthy Fashion DON’Ts
6. OBSESSION
You’ve GOT this wedding-planning thing, and you’re running with it. You have 42 carefully organized Pinterest boards and you’re wheeling and dealing to-do lists like a boss. Your bridesmaids know exactly what you expect of them {That’s what Google calendars are meant for, right?} and your groom has a carefully worded checklist to tackle. (“Order boutonnieres. Pale pink garden roses. (NOT regular roses.) Make sure the pink is PALE, not dusty. Barf.”) Just make a point to ask your friends about things outside your wedding. (No, “Did you get your bridesmaid dress yet?” doesn’t count.) And plan a once-weekly date night with a wedding-talk ban—at least until the dessert course.
7. DELIRIUM
The precarious time when everything’s pretty much figured out but not carved in stone. You have a dress. (But is it THE dress?) You’ve ordered chocolate wedding cake. (But do we need red velvet too?) You love your invitations. (But have you looked at ALL the invitations?!) Do yourself a favor: Once you make a well-thought-out decision, go with it. Don’t even consider changing your mind—or ordering another wedding dress—even if there’s still wiggle room, time-wise.
8. DENIAL
It’s too close. It’s happening too fast. And everyone’s mad at you. (“LONG reception tables?!” your future father-in-law roars. “They must be ROUND!”) There will be no wedding. Or maybe you’ll elope, a deux.Goodbye, cruel wedding-planning world.
9. ACCEPTANCE
There will be a wedding. Maybe the tables will be round and the boutonnieres will be dusty pink. Hopefully you won’t walk down the aisle in your skivvies, but even if you do, at the end of the day you’ll be married, which is all you wanted to begin with.
You should be able to navigate out of most of these stages pretty quickly if you keep your cool, but I’m pretty sure every bride who’s planning a “traditional” wedding spends some time in every last one of ’em, even if her OBSESSION is a single frenzied weekend with wedding magazines and her DELIRIUM is a momentary lapse that’s quelled with a glass (or three) of Shiraz.
Did you manage to make it through wedding planning without hitting any of these stages? Or did you progress through every last one of ’em?
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