Naming a cockroach after your Valentine is the best way to show them you care
If Valentine's Day makes you feel more darkly humorous than sweetly romantic, the Bronx Zoo has the right gift for you.
With the return of the zoo's Name-a-Roach program this year, a Madagascar hissing cockroach will be named in honor of your ex (or mother-in-law, as the zoo also thoughtfully suggests) with a $10 donation.
See also: A single's guide to eating as much as possible on Valentine's Day
Your Valentine (or enemy) won't actually receive the a roach, though — just a certificate informing them of the dubious honor. If that's not enough to warm their hearts, proceeds from the Name-a-Roach program will go toward the Wildlife Conservation Society's efforts to preserve species and natural areas around the world.
Madagascar roaches are nearly four inches long, and, as their name suggests, they hiss. The thousands of these roaches at the Bronx Zoo don't exactly have the cute and cuddly factor of a more typical Valentine's Day teddy bear, but the zoo insists these guys are just "misunderstood love bugs."
See also: 24 creative Valentine's Day gift ideas that aren't flowers or chocolate
The San Francisco Zoo, meanwhile, took a more direct approach last year, offering the "adoption" of a few creepy crawly creatures specifically for the purpose of inciting exes. For $25 and up, jilted lovers could send exes a heart shaped box full of (plastic) cockroaches or plush scorpion, because "much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys, where they dig elaborate burrows or 'caves.'"
Regardless of whether you choose to use the Name-a-Roach program for good or evil, here's hoping the only cockroaches involved in your Valentine's Day celebrations are the ones in the zoo.
