Live Out Your “50 Shades of Grey” Fantasies for $12K

E.L. James wrote 50 Shades of Grey so vividly and used so many descriptive adjectives (seriously, how many times was the word taciturn used?!) that fans basically demanded that a movie be made to bring the story to life. But one prescient company took turning the worldwide phenomenon from words on a page to reality one step further and came up with a package for the über-enthusiasts that wouldn’t be satisfied with an IMAX screening of the movie. The Fifty Shades Experience is an entertainment company offering a “luxurious, sexy experience” for daring women with deep pockets to live out the BDSM weekend of their dreams.

For $12,397, a “Christian Grey” (not Jamie Dornan) maybe look alike will take women living in New York or Los Angeles out to dinner and on a helicopter ride overlooking their city. After the faux-billionaire appropriately courts his customer, they couple will sign a dominant-submissive contract and head to the BDSM “Red Room of Pain” located in a luxurious apartment. All the finest high-end gear will be new upon every episode from Kiki de Montparnasse. After you act as this random guy’s slave (and let’s be real here, fake Mr. Grey is probably a struggling actor with weekends off from his retail or cater waiter job), there’s role-play with dialogue from the movie over dinner.

I have so many questions, but here are just a few of the most pressing:

  1. 1. If you’re going to spend that much money on prostitution, wouldn’t you want to guarantee that the man fulfills your fantasy and is as sexy as Christian Grey seems in the books?

  2. 2. Do you get to pick where you go to dinner? It’s not like you’re going dutch on the date so the payee should at least get to eat expensive sushi if that’s what she pleases.

  3. 3. If you have $12,000 to blow on a weekend of sex and tourism, wouldn’t you rather just buy your own Kiki de Montparnasse BDSM items and build a dungeon in your home?

These concerns are only the tip of the iceberg. Basically, prospective customers should say “Laters Baby” to this foolish offer and save their money for something better — or just see the movie about 800 times.

More from Yahoo Style:
Sexy Sex Toys for Sexy Sex Times
Jamie Dornan’s Wife Amelia Warner Steals the Spotlight at “50 Shades of Grey” Premieres
See Jamie Dornan’s Butt Before “Fifty Shades of Grey” Even Comes Out