Kelly Rowland's 10 Keys to Success, Better Sex, and Slaying

From ELLE

You know about Kelly Rowland's music career. You watched her in Destiny's Child, and then you watched her embark on a successful solo career. You watched her win Grammys and sell millions of records. But did you know that Kelly Rowland has also, slowly but surely, been building an empire? Earlier this month, Rowland's newest endeavor, Chasing Destiny, a docu-style reality show about finding the next big girl group premiered on BET. She also announced that she'll be launching a makeup line "for chocolate girls." And there may even be a kid's clothing line in the works. Here, Rowland gets honest with ELLE.com about success, sex, and slaying (at life).

1. The right heel (or clothes) can give you power, even if it hurts just a little bit.

"The other day I was in Bergdorf Goodman and there were these snakeskin, multicolor Louboutin pumps that I bought. They are beautiful. For a second I was like, 'They hurt!' and my sister was like 'It doesn't matter...you take the pain and you take it well because that shoe should go everywhere you go!' And it's so funny because, while she's telling me this, I noticed like my whole body language-it pulled up and everything. I was like, 'I should get the shoe' because it didn't matter whether I put it with a beautiful dress or even jeans and a white shirt, it's going to change my mood. And it did. If you're having a shitty day, you can put on a great outfit and it can change your whole world."

2. Embrace being different.

"I wish someone would have told me how unique I am. Because I think that women aren't told that enough. Sometimes we kind of get lost to what someone else is, or who they are, and what they say, and what they wear, and what they look like. And it's cool to be inspired-that's one thing-but I feel like some of the young generation might want to try to be like someone else. And I think it's important to be unique. The world would be so boring if everybody looked the same."

3. When discouraged, heed the words of "Bey's mom, Tina": "You gonna get this."

"I remember being in the studio, and this was like way way early on, before Destiny's Child had been named Destiny's Child, this was Girls Tyme. I remember this producer was so frustrated because I was taking a while in the studio.

I was a kid and it was one of my first times and he was like, 'Ugh, you'll never get this part, just get out!' And it was so harsh to tell a kid. I was probably, like, 12 or 13. But Bey's mom, Tina, she would pull me to the side and be like, 'You gonna get this part, baby, let's just go over it.' She just- she really cared about us having self-esteem and confidence and I really appreciate that about her. She's always been like that with me, telling me how great I am and how beautiful my chocolate skin is… like, everything.

4. Beauty is universal; makeup should be, too.

"This [makeup artist] made me so pink. And then she tried again and I was green. She tried again and I was way fairer than what I really was-my neck and my face were a different color. She tried, and I can't be mad at her for that, but it just, it was an epic fail. I'm so happy I learned just to carry around my own makeup with me, and I did it myself and I felt better...[My new makeup line], actually no one knows this, but we titled the project "For All Created Equal." It's makeup for everybody. I think that a lot of women of color will sometimes feel like their color either is discontinued or, you know, not there...And I am making makeup for everyone. I'm going to make sure that I nail every single foundation and concealer color for women."

5. Because representation matters.

"I was so happy at Fashion Week. No lie, hand on Bible, I literally got emotional because I was watching the women walk down the runway. All different skin colors and everything. And when I saw these one, two, three, four ladies walk down the runway and they had little afros, I had tears in my eyes. Because there was a time where that wasn't acceptable, and the fact that that is the style, it is the fashion, it is what's cool, that's awesome."

6. Love yourself before you love (or pick) your partner.

"I just wanted a good guy. I saw the hardship that my mom had with my dad, who I'm sure underneath it all is a good person, but, you know, our understanding of love comes from our background. I did grow up without a dad. My mom was there, and she loved me as best as she could, but because I didn't have an understanding of what a father should be or a guy should be, that's was my first understanding of man. But I knew I wanted a good guy.

I have girlfriends around me who have good guys, who shower them with attention and love. I was like, 'I deserve a good dude' who wants to be here and who wants to just tell me how great I am every day even when I don't see it. And then I thought, 'What kind of father would I want my daughter to have?' And Tim [Witherspoon] is just a good dude, an all around good dude. He loves his mama, he loves his family, he protects his family, and I just really respected that about him. And I respected him as a man first. I think that you should respect a guy that you're seeing, you should respect them as a man-their goals, the way they treat people, all of that you should look at. It's important."

7. Good things happen when you're in your thirties. Like better sex.

"At 30… I'm going to sound so crazy, but, at 30, sex just got better. And then, at 31, life just got really good. At 33, I just stopped caring so much."

8. Take a risk, even when it's terrifying.

"I was approaching 29 and I was thinking about my surroundings and my career and I just knew I needed a shakeup. It was one of the scariest moves of my life. I kept thinking of everything that could go wrong instead of everything that could be amazing. But it was so loud, the ringing in my ears saying, 'It's time to move.' I felt like it was God telling me it was time to move. I just was so scared. It was fear that paralyzed me in that moment and I was just like, 'You know what? I'm just going to jump and see what happens.' You gotta take a risk, you gotta jump."

9. Find a way to "pump back into yourself."

"You're giving so much of yourself to the rest of the world, to your family, to everybody in one day, where do you restore? Like, where does somebody pump back into you? We have to pump back into ourselves...Personally, I get a little heating pad to tuck right underneath my lower back and a pillow one of my girlfriends bought me: I call it the Sleepy Lee. [My friend's] name is Esther Lee. She's actually my physical therapist and she bought me this pillow and we call it the Sleepy Lee. It's so comfortable, because it tucks right into my neck and it's just warm and cozy. It's just cloud nine, it's the best."

10. And remember, women are just better at balance. Extraordinarily so, actually.

"[Women get asked more about balancing work and motherhood], but it's only because we're extraordinary at it. They're still wondering how we're just so great at being women. They're still wondering how we're just so great at having emotions and caring about everything and still able to get everything done. So they're like, How the hell are you a mother too? It's because we're extraordinary, trust me. But I'm still learning, I'm still learning. And we do the majority of the work-I'm sorry."