As every show following preteens, teens, young adults, and sometimes even actual adults proves, talking to your crush is incredibly difficult — and it never gets easier.
So when someone swoops in with a perfect, minimal-contact way to win over the object of your affection, we take notice. And Lizzie Fenton is our new dating role model.
Fenton is a student at the University of Minnesota, who has a crush on someone named Carter. Instead of going the traditional route of dropping subtle hints, attempting to flirt, or straight out asking Carter if he likes her, Fenton built a genius PowerPoint explaining exactly why she'd be the perfect girlfriend.
She then emailed the presentation to Carter, and posted it to Twitter.
"I just emailed this powerpoint to my crush Carter do you think it'll work ://" Fenton wrote.
I just emailed this powerpoint to my crush Carter do you think it'll work :// pic.twitter.com/xHN1bYSdL6— Lizzy Fenton (@LizzyFenton) March 27, 2017
It unfortunately didn't work. Fenton posted an update with Carter's response two days after she first posted the PowerPoint.
But we think she made some stellar points about her datability. As slide #1 says, she has "an edgy, yet tasteful sense of humor that will be sure to win over your mother."
Her distinct hairstyles will make it seem like her future partner is actually dating three different people, she wrote in Slide #2.
And, perhaps most importantly, her "boobs exhibit steady growth over time" (slide #3). She started as an A cup in 2013 and is now at a DD. Fenton predicts in the Powerpoint that by 2025 "each breast will be roughly the circumference of a human head (~57cm)."
If her impressive boob growth isn't enough to convince you that Fenton would be a perfect girlfriend, she also has slide #4 to share how financially stable she is (she has a job and can always fall back on her "benefactors," aka her parents) and slide #5 — a list of impressive references including Channing Tatum, The New York Times, and her mom.
"[Lizzy] is as pungent as a lilac tree in bloom," The New York Times allegedly wrote about Fenton. "[Lizzy] isn't sexy in the mechanical, aerobic way we've come to associate with 'eroticism.' Instead she expands the notion of sexual passion to include many forms of intimacy."
That seems like a solid argument to us, and we can't believe Carter didn't fall for it. We're not the only ones, either.
Even Microsoft — the creators of PowerPoint — found her tweet and said that it's pretty much perfect, with one small exception.
And even though Carter didn't realize Fenton's genius, that doesn't mean her PowerPoint wasn't worth the time. The tweet has been retweeted more than 21,000 times as of writing, and we're convinced that at least a few of those people will be writing PowerPoints of their own. Hopefully, they have more luck.
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