Hi, I'm Alessia, and it's been three days since my last piece of cake and two days since I last held a baby. It's safe to say I'm addicted to both things, so my range for what's acceptable on both those fronts is pretty wide. But today, my life changed in the literal blink of an eye, as I'm pretty sure I'm never eating cake again and my desire to have a baby just went from 100 to -10 all because I clicked on one Facebook photo of the baby shower cake from hell.
I know a lot of people are going to love this cake of a child emerging from a vagina - complete with some kind of jelly blood and chocolate-sprinkle pubic hair - but I just absolutely cannot get on board with it. Childbirth is a beautiful miracle, that much I wholeheartedly agree with, but we need to talk about this cake for a minute. If you disagree with me, that's fine, but I just can't imagine anyone in their right mind actually enjoying a slice of cake that may or may not contain a piece of placenta or labia - funfetti or not. Sue me.
RIP to my love affair with cake. (But congratulations on your baby if this was your cake - I'm not a monster.)