Why This ‘Sex and the City’ Star’s Comments About Motherhood Are Stirring Controversy

Can you call yourself a parent if you’ve never given birth or adopted a child? Kim Cattrall thinks so, and that’s raised the ire of some moms and dads. (Photo: Getty Images/Bravo)

Sex and the City’s Samantha Jones had an outrageous take on men and sex — and now the actress who portrayed her for six seasons, Kim Cattrall, has triggered outrage with her recent comments about what it means to be a mom.

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In a BBC Radio interview that aired September 14, Cattrall said that though she has not given birth, she still considers herself to be a parent. “I am not a biological parent, but I am a parent. I have young actors and actresses that I mentor, I have nieces and nephews that I am very close to,” explained Cattrall.

“There is a way to become a mother in this day and age which doesn’t include your name on the child’s birth certificate,” she continued. “You can express that maternal side, very clearly, very strongly. It feels very satisfying.”

“I didn’t change nappies, which is OK with me, but I did help my niece get through medical school. I did sit down with my nephew when he was [going through] a very tough time to join the army. And those are very motherly things to do, very nurturing things to do,” added Cattrall.

Cattrall’s idea of motherhood certainly stretches the definition of the word as it’s understood in our culture today. To contemporary sensibilities, a mother is someone who has given birth to a child or has adopted or fostered one.

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A quick look at some of the comments generated by the interview shows that many actual parents take umbrage with Cattrall for calling herself a parent while not taking on the full-time, lifelong, sometimes not-so-pleasant responsibilities (like changing diapers) of raising a child.

But Cattrall’s take on what it means to be a mom actually makes a point: In a premodern era, all of the women in a family unit took on the responsibilities of raising children, even if they had not actually delivered a baby; it was essential to survival, Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and professor at Rutgers University, tells Yahoo Parenting.

“She’s played an important role in helping to raise other people’s children, which is a very primal, instinctive thing and central to hunter-gatherer societies,” says Fisher. “Language is supple and can change, and she’s broadening the definition of parenthood so it’s more inclusive.”

Licensed marriage and family therapist Paul Hokemeyer agrees. “The notion of motherhood need not be restricted to its literal terms,” Hokemeyer tells Yahoo Parenting. “Mothering involves giving nurturance and support to the younger generation.” Cattrall may not fit the definition of a mom, true, but she is making a big contribution by helping to nurture kids and young adults, he says.

Cattrall’s inclusive view of motherhood wasn’t the only thing she revealed in the interview that’s sparked controversy. She also said that she objected to the term “childless” to describe women who have no kids.

“It’s the ‘less’ that is offensive — childless — it sounds like you’re less because you haven’t had a child,” she said. “I think for a lot of women from my generation, it wasn’t a conscious choice. It was a feeling of, ‘Well, I’m on this road and things are going really well, I’m really happy, I’ll do it next year, I’ll do it in two years, I’ll do it in five years.”

Though the word can feel like a barb to a woman in the 21st century, Fisher says that it reflects the fact that throughout most of history, a woman wasn’t considered a full-fledged, contributing adult in society until she married and had a baby.

“It’s only since the 1960s and 1970s that women have even had the choice to have children, thanks to the availability of contraception,” says Fisher. Children and family defined women up until recently, but being childless today doesn’t mean you are lesser than other women; it just means you have not had or adopted a child, says Fisher.

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