The Right Way to Handle Social Media Harassment and Bullying
by Marissa Miller, Teen Vogue
When in doubt, screenshot.
Photo: Getty/Image Source
Before the dawn of the MacBook Air, a girl’s only experiences with harassment involved dodging kids in the schoolyard. What an innocent time. Now that we spend the bulk of our waking hours glued to social media, the chance of being targeted increase drastically—and unfortunately that’s especially true for teen girls.
“By nature, girls are socialized not to be aggressive, so we’ve found more passive ways to deal with conflict,” says Corrie Sirota, a clinical social worker. “Boys punch each other, while girls use words, eye-rolling, shunning, and exclusion.”
Posting on social media is an invitation for the mean girls to come out to play, so it’s no wonder the Cyberbullying Research Center found that half of young people have experienced some form of cyberbullying. “You have no control over what people write about [your post]. You hope they behave with decorum, but you’re making yourself vulnerable.”
The bright side? What we often deem as bullying may simply be miscommunication: Subtract tone of voice and body language from the equation, and you’re left decoding an innocuous comment for hours. Before you react, take a deep breath and consider their motive. Of course, other times posts to or about you are cut-and-dry harmful. “I’ve asked teenage girls what’s worse: saying something mean to someone’s face or writing it on the internet? Their belief is that it is far worse to say it to their face.”
Related: The Top 10 Gigs Your Teen Should Be Considering for Life Post College
The reality is that bullies feel more powerful behind a keyboard than face to face, but the repercussions are no different—as long as you have the evidence. “There have been incidences where someone posted something mean online and yes, charges have been laid, and all of a sudden it was on YouTube and we know who the perpetrators are,” Sirota says.
The most chilling part about the harassment shift from IRL to URL? The sheer breadth and scope of social media makes it difficult to contain a post before it goes viral. But you can protect yourself. Here’s how:
If someone is harassing you… “Don’t delete it. Keep the evidence. Keep a screenshot. Do not respond. Tell someone,” urges Sirota. The conflict may be taking place out of physical campus bounds, but school administrators are still at your disposal (and of course, always notify your parents). Don’t feel defeated if the post is anonymous, either. The internet never forgets, and detectives are equipped to trace IP addresses.
We know, we know: It can be so hard to demonstrate restraint when your knee-jerk reaction is to retaliate. Aggression will simply provoke a bully more, Sirota says. Plus, you want to avoid saying anything in the heat of the moment that can damage your integrity.
To take a post down… Facebook’s reporting tool allows you to flag the incident with their staff. Or, if you feel comfortable, you have the option of broaching the subject with the perpetrator directly. To report a tweet, tap the More icon, select Report, then if you indicate they’re being abusive or harmful, it’ll prompt you to enter more information (but it will disappear from your timeline regardless). You can also flag and remove an abusive direct message.
If someone posts an inappropriate photo of you on Instagram, tap the three dots, then Report Inappropriate and follow the instructions. For rude comments, swipe your finger to the left over the comment, then hit Report Abuse. If someone’s threatening to share private material about you over the site, contact law enforcement, report the perpetrator to Instagram, and block them immediately.
If you’re a bystander… It’s easy to turn a blind eye, but when you don’t intervene, you become part of the problem. You have three methods of approach. You can say “What you wrote was really mean” in whatever kind of language feels natural to you. If that makes you uncomfortable, notify a parent or teacher. Next, you can comfort the target. Say “I know you must feel bad, but they are the one with the problem. Let’s go report it together.” The truth is “that person needs the support and validation, too,’” Sirota says.
Remember you’re not alone… Sirota echoes non-violent conflict resolution expert Barbara Coloroso, who said,“What do all targets have in common? That they’ve been targeted.” Translation: If someone does something against you, it’s more of a reflection on them than on you. Never allow yourself to be defined by someone’s opinion of you.
For more information on how to protect yourself from online harassment, head towww.bullying.org.
More from Teen Vogue:
How to Help Your Friend Through Tough Times—by Two Besties Who Survived Cancer Together
7 Easy, Healthy Ways to Refuel Your Energy Reserves On the Go
This Teen Launched a Body-Positive Bra Line—and It Got Picked Up by Aerie
8 Things You Should Never EVER Hide From Your Doctor
