Soccer Moms, Hockey Dads: Crazy Sideline Stories

(Photo: Ingo Bernhardt/Flickr)

My son recently joined a travel soccer team, and with the more intense schedule and competition comes more intense…parents. The moms and dads on my son’s team are lovely (and potentially reading this post) but I’ve already witnessed some suspect behavior on the opposing sidelines. I thought I was prepared, but it’s jarring to watch a kid take a great shot and instead of saying, “nice shot,” his parent shouts, “you need to make that, Brian!!!” (Brian is 7.) Parents yell at their kids, the coaches, the refs and—in some extreme cases of WTF-is-this-world coming-to?!—the little boys or girls on the other team.

“Sports parents are more intense and push their kids more now than ever before,” says Brooke de Lench, executive director of MomsTEAM Institute and author of Home Team Advantage: The Critical Role of Mothers In Youth Sports. This new reality is a function of several factors, including the professionalization of youth sports (kids start younger, train harder and specialize in one sport way too early). We live in a society where parents are obsessed with doing everything they can to give their kid an edge (think Mandarin lessons at three). “Success in sports is seen as giving children the advantage to get into the best college, and then into the best graduate school, so they can get the best job,” says de Lench. If the stakes are really that high, it’s no wonder parents are practically having coronaries when their kids miss a shot.

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Here, youth sports parents and coaches out the craziest people they’ve seen on the fields, courts and rinks:

“I was next to a group of dads watching their 10-year-old sons practice lacrosse when one of the kids took a ‘bad shot’ and his dad started yelling directions at him. The coach came over and politely asked the dad to keep it down since the kid was doing what the coach had asked him to do. The dad’s very-loud reply: ‘He will do whatever the f—k I tell him to do since I’m the guy writing the God damn checks.’”—Travis, 38, father of two and a youth baseball coach; Nashville, Tennessee

“There’s a dad on our son’s football team who is completely insane. Last week he actually heckled a little boy from the opposing team. Our team ran the ball carrier out of bounds and this guy was on the sideline saying ‘what’s the matter little boy, you can’t handle it? You couldn’t stay in bounds little boy?’ These are 8-year-olds!”—Alexis, 42, mother of two; San Diego, California

“My nine-year-old son recently joined a new hockey team and at the first practice one of the mothers came up to me unsolicited and loudly proceeded to run down the entire roster telling me who’s good, who’s bad, who can’t skate, who can’t shoot, who’s lazy, and—the best—who she’s lobbying to get cut because he’s ‘terrible’ and taking up a valuable spot on the team.”—Neil, 35, father of four; Detroit, Michigan

“There’s a loud, obnoxious dad in our recreational basketball league who is totally obsessed with winning. Last season he was coaching and after a contested foul call went to talk to the other coach. He put his arm around him all chummy seeming then said whispered, ‘if you ever do that again I’ll f—ing kill you.’ He made everyone in the stands think they were buddies, meanwhile he was threatening the guy. Next thing we knew we all had to clear out of the gym because they were pushing each other and dropping F-bombs. He’s now banned from coaching and I hope he gets banned from watching, too!”—Samantha, 37, mother of one; Glen Head, New York

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“One of the dads on my son’s U11 baseball team is a big screamer. After yelling at his son for striking out—‘Jesus Christ, you gotta get a piece of that!’—he turned to the parents in the stands and said, ‘Can someone drive my son home so he doesn’t get beaten on the way?’ We all just looked the other way and hoped the poor kid hadn’t heard.”—Marie, 39, mother of three; Orlando, Florida

“While coaching my middle school girl’s volleyball team, one of the dads, who had been yelling at me and the team all game, came down to the court. We were in a huddle and I was asking one of the girls if she wanted to play a certain position. This guy stuck his head in and screamed, ‘coaching is not a democracy!’ His daughter was so embarrassed. She was also a sweet, quiet kid who had very little interest—or ability—in volleyball. Go figure.”—Lauren, 36, mother of one and youth volleyball coach; Jacksonville, Mississippi

“A crazy dad on our football team told his son to jump the line and cram his cleats down the other team’s throats and ‘stomp their faces with his cleats.’ A parent on the other team rightfully told him to stop and they kept arguing throughout the game. When it was over, a heated conversation broke out and the guy from the other team head butted our dad. Head butted! Our guy then swung and it turned into a big mess. Blood, ripped shirts, all in front of 8- and 9-year-old little boys. Both parents were suspended for the rest of the season.”—Alexis, 32, mother of two; Howell, New Jersey

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“I coach seven-year-olds and during one of our games a mom came into the dugout and asked why I wasn’t putting her son on second base. Instead of answering, I called the kid over and asked, ‘do you want to play second base?’ He said no. I asked if he wanted to play another infield position. Again, he said ‘no.’ The mom started to huff and puff so I asked her son ‘why don’t you want to play in the infield?’ His response: ‘Because I’m scared of ground balls and they don’t hit them that hard in the outfield.’ She backed away and hasn’t bothered me since. We have to remember these are kids we’re talking about.”—Chris, 40, father of two and youth baseball coach; Phoenix, Arizona