Mom and Dad of Colorado Shooter Speak Out: 'We Were Good Parents'

Bob and Arlene Holmes, the parents of James Holmes who in 2012 murdered 12 people and injured 70 others in an Aurora, Colorado, movie theater say they feel guilty that they didn’t know he was mentally ill. (Photo: Del Mar Times/Joe Tash)

The parents of Aurora movie theater shooter James Holmes are speaking out against the death penalty for their son, who they say is mentally ill, one month before his April 27 trial for the mass shooting that killed 12 people and injured 70 others in July, 2012. The couple, Bob and Arlene Holmes, also admits to feeling shameful that they couldn’t have helped prevent the tragedy. “That’s some of the guilt we have, that we didn’t recognize he was ill and needed treatment,” Arlene said in an exclusive interview with San Diego news outlet Del Mar Times.

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But despite Arlene’s struggle to reconcile a role she may or may not have played in her son’s actions, it’s very common for parents to be unaware that their child is struggling with a mental illness, according to Dr. Alan Kazdin, director of the Yale Parenting Center and professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale University. “Mental illness is on a spectrum,” he tells Yahoo Parenting. “There are externalizing problems which are usually recognizable — a child may act aggressive or hyper or otherwise disrupt his environment — and internalizing problems, which can include depression, anxiety, and withdrawal, and those signs aren’t so obvious because they resemble typical teenage behavior.” Throw in the fact that many young people don’t confide in their parents and, according to Kazdin, 85 percent of teachers don’t recognize mental illness, and it’s easier to understand why Holmes’ behavior may have been overlooked.

What’s more, adds Kazdin, it’s tough to point to factors in Holmes’ family life that may have contributed to his crime, because biology and environment are so intertwined when it comes to human behavior. “Yes, mental illness can be genetic, but a person’s genes can also be suppressed by their environment,” he says. “When a child is abused, for example, the abuse changes their physiological makeup.” Likewise, if a child isn’t prone to psychological issues, his environment can trigger them.

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In the interview with James’ parents, published Monday, the Rancho Peñasquitos, Calif., couple shared their hope that their son, 27, who pled not guilty by reason of insanity, will get life without parole in lieu of the death penalty.

“Our kid was quiet, compliant, obeyed all the rules. He never bothered anyone, he never harmed anyone,” Arlene told the newspaper. “That’s a teacher’s dream. So they’re not going to earmark him as a problem child.” She later added, “Because so many people like to blame the parents if a child is mentally ill, we have to reaffirm to ourselves every day that we were good parents and good people, and this still happened anyway.”

The couple’s sentiments echo those from a book which Arlene self-published on March 9 (in print and digital form) called “When the Focus Shifts,” a collection of prayers reprinted from the mother’s handwritten journals, which she began scribing shortly after the shootings. In the book, Arlene prays for the prosecutors in her son’s case, writing, “I do not know what you have been through in life. I do not know why you want to pursue execution of a mentally ill man. But I pray for you, so that you will find peace in your life. I pray you will change your mind. Please stop this quest for death so you may focus on those who are alive.” She also prays for her son’s victims: “Please, victims, please, feel my prayers. I pray for you by name.” And in an entry from 2013, Arlene writes, “I can never forgive myself for not knowing that this would happen. How could I have known?”

According to Kazdin, some children with mental illness could be functioning in many areas of life and are able to hide the areas in which they struggle. What’s more, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), a classification of mental disorders, offers only standard definitions. “It’s also arbitrary — if you miss a few criteria for depression, it doesn’t mean you’re not depressed,” he says. “Parents should note whether their child’s daily life functioning is impaired and there’s a change in personality or behavior — however, for kids transiting to adolescence this may be tough to identify.”

A “not guilty by reason of insanity” defense means a person has acknowledged the crime but argues that he is not responsible for it due to a mental illness. “I can’t speak to this because I’m unaware of how the diagnosis was made in this case,” says Kazdin. “There is a formal process for determining mental illness in criminal cases.” Holmes’ insanity defense is controversial, with one of his victims recently telling Yahoo News that he is “absolutely not insane.”

But, says Kazdin, “Parenting causes humility. You can teach 400 things to your children, and only 300 of them resonate. Most parents do the best they can.”

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