Life Lessons From a Mother-Daughter Cake Project
Frances with her finished cake. Photo courtesy of Julia Pemberton Hellums.
The day my 14-year old announced that she was going to make her cousin’s wedding cake was the day she changed the dynamics of our mother-daughter relationship. I’ve been a food professional for more than 25 years. I’ve done many things in that time that I’m proud of, but the only thing that seems to truly impress people is that I once worked for Martha Stewart. It was shortly after the book “Martha Stewart Weddings“ made her a national celebrity, so the assumption when people heard that I worked with her was that I must make an incredible wedding cake. I was asked on numerous occasions to make one, but honestly I never had the nerve. Now, years later, my bright-eyed teenager wanted to take on the very monumental culinary task that had always eluded me. She was fearless, enthusiastic and believed she could do anything she put her mind to.
Initially, I was filled with self-congratulations. I must have done something right to have shepherded such a strong, confident young woman into the world. But then, I was shaken by the realization that she was about to sprint past me on the road of life experiences. She wasn’t hiding behind my apron anymore; I was now looking to her to help me conquer my wedding cake fears. She clearly knew more about what was required to take on this challenge — it was simply to say, “Yes. I can do this.”
We embarked on a culinary odyssey that I like to call our “Mother-Daughter Cake Project,” my personal euphemism for what transpired when a middle-aged mom and an adolescent daughter set about a daunting task together. Making this special cake reinforced some simple life lessons. Here a few of the important things we learned:
1) Do Your Research.
Take time to visualize the final result before you start. Make a collage. Get out the colored pencils. Frances found out that the bride’s wedding colors were lavender and white, and then immersed herself in Pinterest. She went to YouTube to learn what she needed to know about cake construction technique. In contrast, I pulled out “Martha Stewart Weddings“ and an old paperback manual from Wilton on cake decorating and started reading. We were now both ready to get started.
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2) Break Big Tasks Into Small Pieces.
Frances, like most teenagers, has a demanding school and activities schedule. So we got the calendar and mapped out an exact timeline of when we could work on the cake during the six weeks leading up to the wedding. Large projects are easier to tackle when broken down into manageable tasks, so we identified all the elements of the cake that could be made ahead (we made and froze the lemon curd). Frances was extremely creative about time management and even packed a kit of tools and tub of fondant to take with us on a camping trip over spring break. At night, in a dimly lit cabin near Buffalo National River in Arkansas, she made the fondant roses used to decorate the final cake.
3) Value Substance and Style.
A great cake is more than the presentation — what lies beneath the surface must be delicious too. With all the attention on food television given to cake decorating, this seemingly obvious fact is easy to overlook. Testing of all elements — cake, filling, and icing — before final construction is key. Frances and I made a test batch of lemon curd and cake to taste as well as to freeze and defrost so that we’d be sure our make-ahead plan wouldn’t compromise the final taste and texture of the cake. These important steps in the methodology of a good baker are also a truism of life — appearance matters but should never be the sole objective.
4) Ask For Help.
There are special challenges to making a wedding cake for 200 guests, and we needed help. Our home kitchen lacked important equipment, most importantly a freezer large enough to place the eight layers of cake required to construct a two-layered, four-tiered cake with a 13” base. We asked a friend with a restaurant and a walk-in freezer if she could store our layers, and not only did she say yes but she also offered her pastry sheeter to roll out the thin, smooth fondant sheets Frances wanted to cover each tier of the cake. The task would have been impossible without that tool. Unless you ask, you will not get, and sometimes by asking you get even more than you thought you needed.
Julia and Frances at work. Photo courtesy of Julia Pemberton Hellums.
5) Be Prepared for Unexpected Challenges.
The bride and groom decided that they wanted their wedding to take place on a family ranch house in the Texas Hill Country — about a four-hour drive from our kitchen in Houston. We quickly realized that we would have to transport the tiers after filling, frosting, and covering the layers in fondant, but before stacking them. The final construction and decoration of the cake would have to take place on-site on the day of the wedding. We packed everything the day before, including extra tubs of frosting and additional cake and fondant in order to be prepared for any unforeseen disasters and hit the road with the AC blasting!
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6) Learn to Improvise.
The morning of the wedding we realized that the plastic dowels we had to hold the four double-layered tiers were too long, and their extremely thick plastic proved impossible to cut with a knife. With only a few hours left to pipe the decorative frosting that was planned for each tier, the cake was still unconstructed. We were on a ranch 100 miles from the nearest cake decorating supply store. Luckily, the groom’s uncle came to the rescue by recruiting a neighbor with a band saw, and the whole family was involved in the final push to get the cake finished. Frances’s steady-handed father was piping decorative frosting and her 12-year-old brother was sanding the freshly cut dowels. I was in a cold sweat by that point but knew that whatever the final results this cake was going to be something very special and the making of it would one day be family legend.
7) Celebrate Results!
The final cake was in fact beautiful and incredibly delicious. Sure Frances saw some imperfections — but no one else did. The finish wasn’t as slick as a professional bakery’s but that cake had more heart and soul, and it certainly would have made the famous Martha proud. Most importantly, at 14, Frances had tackled and accomplished something many adult bakers shy away from. Her next cake will be easy by comparison and her next life challenge slightly less overwhelming. And for me, my over-anxious adult perfectionism had been bested by my daughter’s fearlessness and enthusiasm. My daughter showed me how rewarding the journey can be when you stop focusing on how far you have to go, and just say, “Yes. I can do this.”
